Monday, March 05, 2018

Jac's Romantic Valentine's Day Gesture.

Hello guys! I'm back! My washing machine is spoilt, I have two ulcers and my lips are cracked because that's what happens whenev...

Hello guys!

I'm back! My washing machine is spoilt, I have two ulcers and my lips are cracked because that's what happens whenever I get two ulcers. I also have a pimple from eating so much nonsense at Chinese New Year, but oh well. My primary school teacher said they call them 青春痘 for a reason — because clearly people who have them are still youthful. Ugh.
(Via Giphy).

Anyway! So Valentine's Day has come and gone. This is our third time celebrating Valentine's Day together. I say celebrating, but I actually mean that I just treat it an an additional opportunity to remind James about the immense joy that I bring to his life, for example, making him jump off a 90m bridge for me even though he is deathly afraid of heights.
(More here).

But seriously guys, if this isn't love, I don't know what is. So we know that James would jump off a bridge for me. And I certainly would jump off a bridge for him. I have also watched horror films with him and have also answered his pleas of help by going out to rescue him from a potential night of heavy drinking with his fellow angmohs when I could be sleeping at home. (What? It's not my fault that James' standards are not 90m high).

Anyway, James and I are not really the romantic type. I know some couples have conversations which are soppy, disgustingly sweet, and have so full of pet names that you think that they were rearing an entire farm. And sometimes, they even post it on Facebook so that whole world can see. UGH. I mean, it's bad enough that you actually can bring yourself to say such mushy stuff. Why do you have to subject the rest of social media to your horrible texting habits, soppy selfies and all your flagrant displays of affection?!
(Via Giphy).

In contrast, James and I are not the soppy type and our time is largely spent with me readjusting my position on James while we watch TV on the couch and James taking photos of me after I've fallen asleep.
Yes, I look unglam here. But I'll let you know that I look amazing in bed. I mean, when I'm sleeping in bed. Just look at me. I sleep like a motherfucking princess.
So, given the not very romantic nature of our relationship, you might be wondering how we celebrate Valentine's Day, in particular, this Valentine's Day. Well, you're in luck. For I will be sharing how me, the unromantic wife of James, surprised him with a grand romantic gesture on Valentine's Day!
So yes, as explained earlier, I am not a very romantic person. But I of course have to fill my wifely duties of letting the whole world know that James is taken. I mean, have you seen my husband? He is is hot stuff. Like I have to let all those sly bitches out there know that he is married before they all run to him and stuff their boobs into his face.
So along comes Valentine's Day, which is a perfect opportunity for me to let all these potential husband-stealers know that he is so taken that Liam Neeson couldn't do anything about it (sorry, bad pun intended). Last year, I sent a bunch of balloons to his office. I figured that balloons were a great obiang way to publicly display the great affection I have for my husband.
(More photos here).

But this year, I thought I should give James something a bit more conventional for Valentine's Day, in case the conniving bitches thought that James' wife aka me was just a big joke. Also James told me not to get balloons. So instead, I got bags of flowers delivered to him.
Oh did I say bags of flowers? Typo. I mean bags of flour. 13 bags to be exact. It's not my fault! Flour is quite cheap and I had to hit $40 in order to get free delivery. I got someone from Amazon Prime to deliver them to him. Poor Germaine from Amazon had to lug all these bags of flour to James. I hope she was strong.
So cute right! Either they changed their location pin to a heart in light of Valentine's Day, or they got my clever pun, and knew that the flour was a Valentine's Day gift. I choose to believe the latter. Oh I'm sorry — did you not get my clever pun? Let me give you a hint...

And for those of you who are a bit slower than that..."Flower" and "Flour". I can't make it any more clearer. But I think James really liked his flour. Just look at his joyous expression!
And the best part about this is that I have distributed all the flour to many of my friends and colleagues, all of whom have promised to bake me delicious confections in return for free flour. It's genius! And of course, James can't possibly be more thrilled about my huge romantic gesture.
Look at his face. If that is not love, I am not sure what is. Oh! And I also got him a bouquet of dragons. Because I really wanted them and James is not as good at shopping online as I am. And also, well, I gave him flour(s). They had to be paired with a bouquet.
I got them from ThinkGeek. Now they are priced at USD$59.99, but don't get a heart attack James, I paid much less than half of that. 

And that's my huge romantic Valentine's Day gesture. So keep away husband-stealers! I still have 5 kg of flour in my house and I'm not afraid to drop it on you. Also I have no idea what to do for next year's Valentine's Day. If you have any ideas, please let me know. I need inspiration early. Oh and jsyk, I do get flowers sometimes. Just that they are not like, for our anniversary, Valentine's Day, or my birthday. Instead, I get them for Halloween, while I'm busy getting stuff out of my teeth.
This is exactly why I have to work hard to get husband-stealers out of the way.

Okay and now I've come to the end of the post. But not before I declare my love for Amazon Prime. Like, I know lots of people are bemoaning the lost of Amazon Global Saver, but Prime is so much better. Have you tried it? I mean, I had a handyman coming on the Saturday after the CNY holidays to install a double towel rail. However, we were unable to buy one even scouring the whole of Singapore — shops were closed, showroom which was indicated on the website to sell stuff actually did not and was only there for show...etc. Then on the Friday evening, after going to a shop which had finally reopened after 8 days and decided that I did not like towel rails in gold, I decided to try Amazon Prime. Because why not? AND BAM! 1.5 hours later, a double towel rail and matching toilet roll holder was sitting on our doorstep. I love Amazon Prime. Oh and they had this very nice CNY location pin over the CNY holidays! I was very pleased.
Okay and now I will leave you with some Axwell because, why not?

Okay that's all. Happy Monday guys! Ugh.
❤ Jac.

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