Tuesday, September 26, 2017

#Adulting: Hosting the In-Laws.

Hello guys! So I haven't been blogging as regularly as before but bear with me, I'm coming back. I have finished my daughter-in-...

Hello guys!

So I haven't been blogging as regularly as before but bear with me, I'm coming back. I have finished my daughter-in-law duties for the year and I can finally commit to living the frivolous life of binging on Netflix and slobbing on the couch with the laptop propped on my belly.
I've been quite good with the in-laws (I think). But that's because my filial piety standards are Asian and my in-laws are not Asian. So maybe my mother would think my behaviour was atrocious. But luckily, she was not there and now, neither are my in-laws and this is the time I can spend prancing around the house and singing songs to my fish.
Anyway, after having my in-laws over for 3 weeks each, I have learnt that there are many inconveniences that I have to put up with when they are around. And in case you have not had the pleasure of having your in-laws over to stay, here's what they are...

#1 Must wear presentable clothes.

So, you know what I miss most when my in-laws are over? I miss sprawling on the couch in my sloppy sleeping tank and my super short shorts. Every time they are over, I have to wear like my not-so-short shorts and a t-shirt because I need to appear presentable. It is a standard that I have set upon myself, even though sometimes people's parents don't even wear clothes when they appear in front of me.
(Via Man Repeller).

And omg, I have to wear my bra all the time. It is so uncomfortable. Like, it's fine when I am not in the house. But home is where the heart is and the bra is not ok. HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE WITH THEIR IN-LAWS?! Do they have to wear their bras all the time? If so I can totally understand why they would act like recluses and hide from their in-laws. It's not because they're anti-social. It's because they don't want to wear their bras.
(Via Giphy).

Anyway, because I don't like to wear my "going-out clothes" when I'm at home. Have you seen my tank tops? They are so tight ok. How am I expected to eat my chocolate, drink my Coke Light, and flop on the sofa and look somewhat presentable if my clothes do not hide my food baby and also my bad couch posture? So, I have resorted to wearing James' Uniqlo t-shirts. They are big, airy, and comfortable, and make me look like a conservative Asian girl who is so thrifty that she doesn't even spend on buying her own clothes.
(Me wearing James' shirt and giving him a pedicure. From #Adulting: "My Husband Plays Games All The Time!")

But I can't do that every day. I don't know how people who live with their in-laws can dress comfortably when they are around. Serious respect.

#2 Cannot use Singlish.

I am your typical Singaporean. No, wait. Actually I'm not. I can't eat spicy food, I don't like durian, and I would rather die of starvation than queue 2 hours for the world's best chicken rice. But, I do like my Singlish.

I't's so efficient, so convenient. What can be said in ten words can now be conveyed in one. Hor? So James is very well-versed in Singlish and can understand my very Singlish rants. I don't actually think that he gets what I'm saying. I think he infers from tone and responds from there. High pitched = excited. Slow with lots of pauses = sian. Loud with lots of words he doesn't understand (mostly CB, TMD and CB again because, limited knowledge of hokkien) = angry.

But I can't use Singlish when my in-laws are around. As James put it,
"I was talking to Dad and he said when he first arrived he didn't understand what you were talking about because of your accent!"
And James was very confused because he doesn't think I have an accent. But anyway, it turns out, my Singaporean-accented English is hard for British people to understand. And that's when I'm speaking in complete sentences and dropping the signature la's, leh's and lor's synonymous to Singlish.

It's highly inconvenient. I can't just gesture at some food and go "You want not?" I have to start with a greeting, indicate the object and ask for an opinion. "Sorry Dad, would you like to have some crisps?"
(Via Giphy).

And yes, British English dictates that it is preferable for you to start each sentence with an apology.

#3 Deprived of couch naps.

So, I love sleeping on the couch. I really do. I love sleeping on the couch even more than I like sleeping on the bed.
The reason is this – I sleep on the bed out of necessity. Because I'm tired, because it's time for bed, because I'm sick and can't muster up the strength to get out of bed. But naps on the couch are different. I don't need them. They are like little pockets of time that I treat myself to. In between dinner and my shower, when James is watching some engineering YouTube video, because I can...couch naps are like the chocolate bars in your handbag. Somewhat unnecessary, but good to have around anyway.

But when you have guests who are here on holiday, they tend to spend a lot more time in your house than you. They are there before you go to work, and there before you reach home from work. And they are very often sitting on the couch because, small house. Where else can you sit?
So you have to sit on the couch, be sociable, and not flop onto the couch and go to sleep. Or you know, lock yourself in another room and sleep on the floor.
Goodness. I was so deprived of couch naps that on Sunday, I woke up, got out of bed, and went to sleep on the couch. For 2 hours. I was that desperate.

#4 Denied of OCD-cleaning sprees.

So I have selective OCD. This means that while I can't care less about how the papers are arranged or how the electrical devices in our home are wired up, I care a lot about the invisible dirt and germs that are lingering around the house.
(Via Giphy).

And James has gotten used to me. He is used to sitting on the couch while I vacuum around his person and tell him not to drop crumbs all over the place.
(Via Giphy).

However, I have heard that this can be considered quite rude and I was forbidden from doing this when his parents were around. And it was terrible because I have trained James to behave in a certain way. Like, if he eats on the sofa he needs to make a concerted effort to make sure I see him trying to prevent crumbs from dropping onto the sofa. I need to see him cradling a bowl below his food, eating over his shirt placemat, or stuffing everything into his mouth at one go. His parents do not do this. The number of times I wanted to take out the Dyson to vacuum them was...very many. It was a tough time.
(Via Giphy).

But I did not. Because I am not that crazy...yet.

#5 No reruns.

I freely admit that I am one of the most boring people around. And that's why James and I work. We are both creatures of habit. We eat the same thing every day, we buy clothes from the same few clothing brands, and we like to listen to songs on repeat.
(Via Giphy).

But, James, unlike ma, is quite happy to watch various YouTube videos or start on different Netflix shows. I on the other hand, just want to watch reruns of the same show. Over and over again. Sometimes I start a new series, but if there's nothing new for that particular series, I just watch the same old shows. Most of the time, The Big Bang Theory. Why? It's safe and I know how it ends.
(Via Giphy).

But, when we have company, I can't watch the same reruns over and over again. Not when they are staying for three weeks. So I have to share the television and let them mess up my search algorithm which now displays shows like Oh My Ghost and Ozark. Ughh.

Luckily, the new Brooklyn Nine Nine is out and I will binge watch that until all that is recommended to me is trashy American sitcoms. (What? At least I know what I like).

Okay so in conclusion, hosting the in-laws is troublesome because I need to wear presentable clothes, speak in proper English, not spontaneously fall asleep on the couch out of laziness, not show my crazy OCD side, and not watch the same old shows over and over again. Or in other words, not act like a crazy idiot.

Anyway, here's a good song for you! And hopefully I will not wait too long before I put the next post up.

❤ Jac.

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