Thursday, August 31, 2017

#Adulting: Housewarming.

Hello guys! So as you might already know, James and I bought a house! Oops wrong photo. I mean, we bought a house. We completed t...

Hello guys!

So as you might already know, James and I bought a house!
Oops wrong photo. I mean, we bought a house.
We completed the sale in November last year, took it over from our then tenants in December, and moved in in January this year. Anyway, as you can probably tell from the first picture, we had some major work done to our house before we moved in. And we have also since bought a few pieces of furniture but you know, this adulting business is expensive. So there's still a big hole in the wall where our oven is supposed to fit into. *prays for big year-end bonus*
But we're quite pleased with what we've managed to do with our place, especially because we got all of our renovation done in 2.5 weeks (yes my designer and team is amazing) But apparently, our happiness is not enough for some people who insist that we have a housewarming party. And this is where I tell them that they can go fuck themselves are wrong.

#1 You do not initiate someone else's housewarming.

So I am not anti-social and neither is James. Well, I sometimes want to be anti-social but I disallow myself from being too anti-social because I might turn into a crazy cat lady. But I don't have cats so you know, I'll just be crazy. So it's not an issue of us not wanting people around. We've had plenty of people over, and we've even allowed some to stay the night.

Here's some proof!

So we're fine if you want to drop by, if you need a place to crash, or if you want to come over to play on the PSVR. But, I have had several people asking me to host a housewarming. And this is usually how the conversation goes:
Person, "Eh Jac, when is your housewarming?"
Me, "We're not having one."
Person, "WHY! How can don't have housewarming?!! WLE don't be lazy leh."
Hey! Don't be rude. Just because I don't want to have a housewarming party doesn't mean I'm lazy. I mean I am lazy but that may not be the main reason as to why I don't want to hold a housewarming party. Maybe my house is not fully furnished yet. Maybe I own a vicious dog. Or maybe, I don't like your face. But it doesn't matter, said person might go and type this all in a group chat where everyone then tries to talk you into having a housewarming party. SERIOUSLY.
(Via Giphy).

I'm fine with parties. But if I were to have a party, I would like to have it somewhere else which is not my home so that I don't have to clean up after you. Oh smart. Is that why you wanted a party in my house?
(Via Giphy).

Go away and organise a party in your own house.

#2 Housewarmings in small homes are pointless.

So I understand that having a place of your own to live in is a great milestone in life, and I also understand that many people like to celebrate it. But this is Singapore where many of us live in apartments. But it's hard to fit all your housewarming guests into one apartment.
(Via Giphy).

So you can get people to come at staggered time slots, but there's always someone who will be late, or people hanging around, and it will be messy and you can't cater to everyone's needs so most people will just come to like walk through your house once and then leave. AND WHAT'S THE POINT IN THAT. The last housewarming I went to, I spent more time in the corridor in the actual house itself.
(Via Buzzfeed).

The equivalent of this is me showing you a video walk through of my house and showing it to you over dinner in the void deck. Dinner which I am buying of course, because in the spirit of housewarming parties, doesn't the host pay for the food?

#3 Gift-giving is troublesome.

Alternatively you could argue that well, housewarming is a time when guests can contribute items to make your home a better place. The problem with that is unless you create a registry which lists all the gifts that you want, people will most likely buy things that they think you might like, but actually don't. I mean I already have some pretty hideous photo frames, and tableware from people who thought they knew what I liked, but clearly didn't.
(Via Giphy).

And I know, I know. I can tell people exactly what they should buy me. But the trouble is that they sometimes cannot find exactly what you want, and then they buy something similar. Which is very thoughtful I must admit. But but waiting and saving up and buying something exactly what you want, is better than rushing into something and getting something that is almost right, but isn't.

For example, there was once I wanted a camera in purple because I am crazy like that. Like really, I wanted this model because it came in purple. I mean it could take underwater photos and all but seriously, it being purple was its unique selling point for me. So I was very excited about getting this frivolous purple camera for myself, and had been living the cheapskate life for a while to save up.
(Via Vix).

And then someone bought the camera for me. In black. Because he thought that while I wanted purple, I would have appreciated black in the long run.
(Via Giphy).

And I know that the colour of my camera is a very superficial property, and I was happy to get a new camera. BUT. I WAS SAVING UP TO BUY IT MYSELF. IN PURPLE. And you may say that there's always a chance that I will upgrade my camera in the future and then I can get a purple camera. Right. The way technology is going, I don't think I will ever get another point and shoot in my life.

But I digress. My point is, it's very difficult to tell people exactly what you want and need for your house, even though they might be very happy to get you something. I mean you can tell them what you want, but sometimes thing don't always work out the way you want them to. So, I rather get my own stuff. Also, we've got most of the small things covered. We can afford like cutlery, sheets and stuff. The things we need at this point in time are like, the oven. I'm not going to let someone buy me an oven!!! We rather live without an oven than let someone get it for us. Why until very recently, we were living with makeshift blinds.
(Taken during CNY, hence the pineapple lantern).

So yes, since household necessities are usually the big ticket items like refrigerators, washing machines, and you can more or less afford to buy cheap stuff like tableware, there's really nothing much guests can offer you unless you purposely leave specific items out when you are furnishing your house so that your friends and family can get them for you during a housewarming party. Which I feel, is not so nice. I may be a self-centred bitch, but recently I learned that I have some ethical boundaries.

#4 Large crowds in my home.

So I'm very happy to have people over to my house. But not all at one shot. Having my home overwhelmed by hoards of people does not seem to be very pleasant. I have this thing about inside and outside dirt. You know, the very Asian thing where if any part of your body comes in contact with the outside world, you are immediately contaminated and have to disinfect yourself before I am absolutely comfortable with you sitting on my couch.
(Via Giphy).

However, James told me that I cannot buy a decontamination unit for the lobby, and also it is apparently unreasonable to ask our guests to shower once they enter our house. Unreasonable?! I'm letting them use out hot water and shower facilities — they should be thanking me for my hospitality.
(Via Giphy).

Anyway, I can impose certain house rules on one or two or five guests. But when a whole crowd of them are here? It becomes hard to control. As it is, I have failed at stopping people from wearing their shoes into the house, even when only one of them was here. I have also seen my friend flop onto our other friend's bed and plonk her feet onto the pillow. Like seriously, in what universe is that okay?! Imagine if I had a housewarming party. Outside dirt will be everywhere and I will have to hire officers from the Chemical, Biological, Radiological and Explosive unit to sanitise my house after.
(Via Giphy).

Really, if I wanted to hang out with a large crowd of people, I would go to ZoukOut. And then home where I will wash myself thoroughly before I go to bed.

#5 The Acquaintance.

Speaking of parties and crowds of people, I really don't get it when you tell people that it's some intimate gathering and they decide that it's wise to bring their friends of friends, ex-boyfriends, extended family, and the weird overenthusiastic person that they met at the bus stop.
(Via Giphy).

I exaggerate, but still I once went to a party where someone asked to bring a plus one and turned up with plus five. If they are not invited, you cannot bring them. I mean, it's not fair on your host who has to think of catering to all the guests in advance, and also, EH WHY ARE YOU BRINGING STRANGE PEOPLE INTO MY HOUSE?! Rude.
(Via Giphy).

So one of my greatest phobias of holding a housewarming party is having to play host to dozens of people whom I'm unfamiliar with. Like, I don't even want to share my Coke Light with James, what makes you think I want to share my personal space with someone I barely know?
And like, if your friend approaches you to ask if they can bring someone along to your house, it's hard to say no. Like what do you say? "No, my house is too small for one more person." "No, I catered only just enough food." Even an idiot would be able to tell that those are weak excuses and come up with solutions to them. So now, my best excuse is,
"Wikipedia says that a housewarming party is a party traditionally held soon after moving into a new residence. It has been eight months since we've moved in. This is not soon after, don't argue with Wikipedia."
But even I know that's lame.

Okay anyway, now you know why I am not so into hosting housewarming parties. I mean you can come up with feasible solutions to all my concerns but people never really pay attention, and that is why the Salvation Army has been receiving so many wonderful gifts from me over the years. Anyway, just so we're clear (because I may have ranted a bit and gone off track), I'm fine with inviting people over for gatherings, but not specifically just to view my house. It's creepy and voyeuristic.  You want a place to gather, fine, I can offer my house. If you want to wander through a decorated living space, I recommend IKEA.

Also, KUDOS to my friend for scolding someone for me, and for inspiring this post, which would have otherwise been about, I don't know. Vacuuming or something boring.
Okay I've come to the end of my post. Please enjoy this song by Luis Fonsi. I am also very sad that "despacito" is Spanish for "slowly" instead of something more mainstream like "desperate".

Have great long weekend guys!
❤ Jac.

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