Friday, April 21, 2017

How to be Skinny Fat.

Hello guys! So if you have been following my blog, I recently uploaded a picture from my youth, and it was then I understood why I was n...

Hello guys!

So if you have been following my blog, I recently uploaded a picture from my youth, and it was then I understood why I was never one of the cool kids. Seriously man, just look at me. I was lucky to even have friends. I mean, thank goodness for my delightful and charming personality!
So, as I mentioned in my blog post, I used to be quite fat, and somehow I lost a lot of weight. And now I'm like, not fat. But as many of you know, I'm not the healthiest person around. So many people (most recently my sister), have asked me the same question in various forms:
(Via Giphy).

SO NOW! I will divulge secrets to being skinny fat. Also, if you are the healthy self-righteous sort of person, this is not the post for you. If you believe in clean eating, exercising, and like, having a strict diet, please take your food advice somewhere else. Because this is not a fitness based post. It is how to be skinny but unhealthy ok. I am not a dietician or a nutritionist. I only know how to live my unhealthy life and not be overweight.

#1 Choose diet.

And I don't mean go on diet. Although if you are trying to lose weight, I guess a diet does help. But that's not the point of this article.
(Via Cosmopolitan).

We all know that carbonated, sugary drinks are bad for you. Come on, there is no way you can escape reports that these drinks make you put on weight, cause mood swings, are bad for your teeth, or may rot your brain.
(Via Bustle).

But they taste SO GOOD. I love them very much. And so we have lots of carbonated drinks in the house - Coke because I live on it, Tonic to mix with our gin, Red Bull because of caffeine, and Snapple because it says there is real fruit juice in it. And that is enough to make you go into hyperglycemic shock.
(Via Giphy).

But you know what's the trick to drinking all that and not putting on excessive amounts of weight? You choose diet.
Yes, yes, they say that artificial sweeteners make you put on weight in the long run, lowers your metabolic rate, causes "increased waist circumference",  and can cause a plethora of other health problems.
(Created by The Renegade Pharmacist, carried on sites including The Daily Mail, Huffington Post, and the Mirror).

Aiyah whatever. Regular Coke and other soft drinks with regular sugar does the same thing, but with more immediate results. So if you want to be unhealthy but not fat, switch to artificially sweetened drinks over regular drinks.
(Via Giphy).

And yes, I know, water is the best. But some of us don't have the dietary self-control of a panda. We need to drink stuff that consists more than just a colourless, odourless liquid which boils at 100 °C.
(Via Giphy).

Also I want to point out that most recently, HPB has recently endorsed my favourite drink with a Healthier Choice logo! Way to go Coke Light!
Also TIP: If you want to get an alcoholic drink, most bars can serve you a "Vodka Coke Light". And if you go clubbing, a "Vodka Sugar-free Red Bull" is usually available (at Zouk at least).

Also I just realised that I looked like I'm not wearing clothes in my previous selfie. But I totally am okay. I am actually wearing a tank top (see below). It's just that I don't take good selfies, and apparently, neither does my tank top.

#2 Prioritise your food.

Ok, I know that everyone has lots of food that they like to eat. Like char kway teow, laksa, roti prata, burgers, pasta, and so on. But life is sad. You cannot eat all of that and expect to not gain weight unless you have the metabolism of a lucky person or you exercise like a crazy person. But seriously, I much prefer snacking to exercising.
(Via Buzzfeed).

What I have recently discovered, is that I have sub-consciously developed a mental food priority list. What that means is that I have food that I absolutely love and will have no matter what, and the rest I will just not bother going out of my way to get because if I eat the food that I am okay with, I am cutting into the caloric allowance of the food that I love and would have married if not for James.
(Via Giphy).

Anyway, here are some items that I will willingly stuff my face with without giving a second thought:
  • French Fries
  • Alcohol (not food but still counts)
  • Chocolate
  • Chips 
  • Pizza
(Via Giphy).

And whatever else that comes my way I don't really care. I mean, I really really love chicken rice, hokkien mee, and raisin bread. But they are not on my food priority list. My love for fries outweighs my love for chicken flavoured rice. So if someone buys them for me great! But if no one buys them for me, then I will just sit in the corner and eat healthier choices. Subway. Salad. Soup. Because my love for fries outweighs my love for chicken rice. So I must sacrifice the chicken rice for the fries. And pizza. I love pizza.
If you love all kinds of food equally then, tough. I think you should volunteer your time at the SPCA or YMCA. Do some volunteering to use up some of your love, and then maybe you will find that you have less love for some food items as compared to the rest.

Also I know that Gardenia raisin bread has a healthier choice logo on it, but if you eat it by the loaf like me, it is truly not considered healthy at all. 
(Via Giphy).

Fuck I feel like eating chicken rice now. At 1 am. Terrible.

#3 Don't be adventurous.

There are some people who like going around Singapore to scout out cool cafes, hipster eateries, and up-and-coming restaurants. Maybe you are one of them. You like to spend your weekends cafe hopping, going from one end of Singapore to the other, trying this new bakery, or queuing this secret bak kut teh joint.
(Via Bloomberg).

Well, don't. You don't know what these places are like! What if you don't like them? Take the MRT all the way to Woodlands on a Saturday morning to try some hidden nasi lemak place that may or may not be nice? What if the nasi lemak is too spicy, too oily, too dry, or not worth the effort? It would be both a waste of time that could be spent sleeping, and calories which could have been dedicated to legit fries.

Also when you travel great distances just to eat food, you tend to eat more to make the journey worth it, which is not such a good idea.
(Via Tumblr).

My advice is to be lazy and boring and to always go downstairs to eat. That way your food won't disappoint because you've had it a thousand times before, and you won't feel the need to buy more to make the trip worthwhile.

Also, if you want to try a new place which you're not sure whether is good or not, you should sub-contract it to one of your foodie friends, who will be more than happy to try that place on your behalf and give you their take on the food. Then, if they tell you that the place is good, you can make the trip yourself and there is less chance of you being disappointed by your food.
(Via Giphy).

Although be warned, because the place is so far away, they may convince themselves that the food is good so that they won't feel that their trip was for nothing. So my second piece of advice is that you give their review with a healthy 20% worth of scepticism instead of taking it to heart.

#4 Eat what you like.

In a perfect world, I would be able to control the portions of food I eat and like, only eat what I'm supposed to have according to some nutritional pyramid or something. But that's not possible. I am highly attracted to unhealthy stuff.
(Via Giphy).

And I like a wide variety of dishes. But not each dish in its entirety. I like the toppings of pizzas, the egg whites of eggs, the chunks in Ben & Jerry's and also the crusts of Edwina discovered when we went to Hong Kong together.
Yeah so I guess what I'm trying to say is, be picky with your food. If you don't like it, don't eat it! Why do you insist on wasting your calories on something that you don't really like. Just eat the stuff that you enjoy, and leave the rest! Unless there are health benefits to eating them, like taking medicine when you're sick, or like eating fruits for antioxidants of course. But like regular food that has no real added value to your well-being? Just leave it. You can do without it.
(Via Giphy).

And don't worry about food wastage. That's what boyfriends, husbands, and travel partners like Edwina are for.

#5 Wear crop tops.

So once upon a time, I used to wear very conservative clothes. You may not remember this, but it's true. I lived in t-shirts and jeans. So you know - like my overseas winter wear, but in Singapore.
Which is all very well and good. But you know, you can't really see if you are fat or not. Everything is hidden. So you forget about all the fat deposits hidden beneath your clothes and eat whatever you want, in whatever amounts you want.
(Via Giphy).

Anyway, I now wear crop tops and shorts almost everywhere I go, and what I've realised is, I unconsciously eat less because I don't want to walk around with a belly of food hanging out. Besides, crop tops are a good way to like air your midriff and not end up with sweaty underboobs, what with the disgustingly hot weather today.

They are also very versatile and you can wear them practically anywhere - brunch, bathroom fixture showrooms, supermarkets, your own wedding party... anywhere!
(Taken by Ahmad Iskandar).

Just you know, maybe not to church, mosques, or temples. But that's okay because people don't usually go to these places for the specific purpose to eat. Unless you're attending a wedding. Then different story.
Anyhow! I've reached the end of my tips on how you can possibly eat lots of unhealthy stuff but not be overweight. OF COURSE, there is a healthier way to do it. But if you can't be bothered, then this is how I do it. OF COURSE, I know that it may be bad for me in the long run, but my annual check-ups say that I am fine. Also if you want to dispense medical advice then please preach to someone who cares. Not someone who downs Coke Light like recruits at a water parade.

Okay and here's a great song with Flo Rida and 99 percent featuring one of my non-priority food items, but will eat if it is placed in front of me, CAKE.

TGIF GUYS! HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND! James and I will be flying to Greece for our wedding (the one with the ring exchange and dress) so WISH US LUCK!

❤ Jac.

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