Thursday, March 09, 2017

Your Youth Sucks (but life gets better).

Hello guys! So I'm very old now. I have a house, and a husband (or almost husband) , and most recently, a long service award. Yeah, I ...

Hello guys!

So I'm very old now. I have a house, and a husband (or almost husband), and most recently, a long service award. Yeah, I have been working for the same employer for more than 5 years. I'm, THAT OLD.
(Via Metro).

And with age comes wisdom. Wisdom you only realise you have once you come across old photos of yourself when cleaning out your old room in your mother's house.
(Still not done, but I'm working on it!)

So wise with age Jac will share some wisdom that she has garnered over the years, because she has many of those now. And she'll share in the form of a letter to her past self. I'M KIDDING. This isn't the Lake House or whatever that time travelling show was.

Anyway, Jac will teach you, in a form a a blog post, how to grow up. And just so you know, I may have started life looking like this, but trust me, everything just went down from there.

#1 Nerdy is okay.

And everyone needs to know this. WTF, if I grew up looking like my teenage self you know what I would look like? LIKE THIS.
Yeah. I don't know why i decided it was a good idea to flatten my hair on my head with water before taking the photo, and omg everything is just wrong. But teenagers around the world have faith, because you will grow out of your geeky nerdy self. One day, you will decide to wear the lenses that you have had since 11 because your degree is 1,100 per eye. You will decide that actually, your hair is supposed to frame your face and not enhance its size. You will also one day learn how to smile properly and also how to draw your eyebrows.
(Via Buzzfeed).

Later on in life, you will even discover the wonders of lasik and eyebrow embroidery/rejuvenation. But that's another story for another time. The trick is, no matter how you look like, everyone is supposed to look ugly as a teenager. It's a chance for you to grow and learn and decide how you do not want to look in the future.
(Via Giphy).

Anyway, nerdy is okay. It's fine. This means that even though I think I didn't study very hard, teachers were under the impression I studied hard and wrote things like "Jacqueline is a diligent student" in my report card. WTF diligent was, I did not know. But looking back, my teachers probably just looked at me and were like "How bad can she be?" and, according to one of my ex-schoolmates who went back to visit my secondary school, thought it would be apt for me to be part of a wall wrap.
Oh you probably can't tell which one is me. On the extreme left. No I did not go for any plastic surgery.

#2 Fat is also okay.

Yeah yeah you think I am lying when I say I was fat. Or you think I was fat cute kid. No okay. I was borderline almost go into TAF club in secondary school. WHICH I ADMIT, is not exactly fat. But you judge for yourself.
There was also this once in JC when a guy friend voluntarily tried to guess my weight. Why did he want to do that? He was a teenager. Guys are stupid, and teenagers make bad choices. So teenage guys are usually bad news. Anyway, idiot here guessed that I was 63 kg when I was like, 50+kg. I cannot remember the exact number but you know,  girls and weight, very volatile. I was so angry with him, myself, and the world. (But mostly him la).
(Via Giphy).

I always thought I was fat. I used to look at other girls and think "OMG I wish my legs were like hers". And it wasn't like I didn't exercise. I used to do TONS of exercise. I ran a lot (my 2.4 km timing was the fastest in my class!), and swam a lot (I was a lifeguard!), and I did taekwondo. But tmd, at the end of the day I was still twice the size of other girls (or the girls I compared myself to at least, like my this friend here).
And I had friends who were skinnier than me who thought they were fat and went to Expressions for slimming treatments (I was a poor person with rich friends), went on the Atkins' Diet (it was 2005), and didn't eat. Okay not anorexic, but hardly ate anything at meals. I also had an anorexic schoolmate and she was crazy skinny and it was seriously scary. And I just sat there and felt depressed about life.
Also I have no photos of me sitting down and looking emo because emo photography wasn't cool a decade ago. But here is me making out with a dummy. Like a real dummy, not one of my ex-es.

Okay so anyway fast forward to now, I've lost about 10 kg. And to be very honest, I've thought I was fat until fairly recently. I've told everyone (and have been told at times) that I'm fat for most of my life. But I have reached the point where I have stopped telling people I'm fat because I realised that actually not considered fat and I should not be annoying. Like you know how some people say that they are fat and you want to slap them? I cannot be one of those people.
(Via Giphy).

Oh yeah and you might be interested to know how I lost 10 kg. I count calories. I know you health gurus and fitness freaks think it's not the way to go, and what's important is wholesome meals, macros, nutrients, balance, and fuckthisshit. Counting calories works for me okay?! Leave me alone and let me count my miserable calories by my unhealthy self. I'm happy and fine, don't bother trying to preach your whatever organic lifestyle to me. I don't care. Zero calorie aspartame-pumped Coke Light forever.
(Photo by Smithankyou).

Also I really think what helped me lose that extra bit of weight was pole dancing. I used to do all these sweaty activities but I still a little bit bigger than I wanted to be. Pole dancing was what made me leaner and helped me shed that last bit of extra weight off. It's very good (but you must stick to it and not quit halfway).
(Via Buzzfeed).

Anyway yes. Sometimes I still feel fat but I keep it to myself. Oh wait, I lie. I tell James. And then run away in case he wants to slap me (in a non-domestic violence kind of way). And then I buy eat some chocolate to make myself feel better. (Kit-Kat Chunky - 245 kcal).

#3 Bad complexion is also okay.

So now my complexion is like not bad. I mean it is not SKII advertisement quality, but I can leave the house without makeup and no one will think I'm a monster from another dimension. Just maybe a crazed sleep-deprived maniac. Anyway, this was what my complexion used to look like.
Yeah like crap right? Google photos pulled out a photo from 2013 and I was like, WTF IS THIS?! I forgot how bad my complexion used to be. But bad complexion is okay. You will grow out of it. Even if it takes more than 5 years for you to grow out of it.
(Via The Berry).

And to help yourself grow out of it, wash your face in the morning and at night, and find good brands of face products to slap onto your face and use them religiously. (If you want to know, I'm using a whole arsenal of Kiehl's products). Don't use all sorts of cheap makeup to cover it up. Use good quality makeup that won't make you break out into even more spots. I know some people say don't wear makeup when you have a pimple, but come on. Most of us are quite vain.
(Via Giphy).

Also I've found a good dermatologist whom I visit on a monthly basis now. I've been going to him for the past 2 years. I was previously going to this other place for like 3 years, but as you can tell from my above selfie, it was not very good.

Oh and also breaking up with bad boyfriends in your life does wonders for your complexion and also your life. I would know.

#4 Stupid guys are okay.

If you ignore them, and are not dating them, that is. So, girls never forget who called them fat, or insinuated that they are fat. We were learning fireman lifts for lifeguards and someone who had previously lifted Marilyn asked what my weight was, and I said, "Around Marilyn's weight". WHICH IS TRUE. We were, and still are around the same size. I didn't know her exact weight, and I didn't know my exact weight, so that was a legit answer.
Us in 2012.
Us in 2004.

But this FUCKER from halfway across the pool shouted, "CLOSE TO MARILYN? YOU DON'T LIE. YOU ARE MUCH HEAVIER." I was 18, and he was #deadtome.
(Via Imgur).

And that's what guys do - speak without thinking. Most of them grow out of it. Some don't. But that's okay. Because you can stalk them on Facebook with your friends and laugh at how loser they are compared to you. And trust me, they're usually the weirdest ones.
(Via Giphy).

Also remember the guy who thought I was 63 kg? He's one of my very good friends! Guys change. Or they just learn how to keep their mouths shut. Either way. Stupid guys are okay. Just don't date them and you'll be fine.

#5 Everything will be okay.

Sometimes life is terrible and you feel like you want to commit suicide. And that is okay as long as you don't actually go and commit suicide. Eat many burgers, down lots of alcohol, and get on with it.
(Via Buzzfeed).

Most of the time, life will sort itself out and everything will be okay! It's really not that bad. (Unless it is, then maybe you should talk to the police/therapist/doctor). Most of the time, everything should turn out fine if you use your brains and refrain from doing anything stupid.
(Via Playbuzz).

But I just want to say this - you don't need to be part of some grand fitness/wellness/health/spiritual campaign to feel like you belong somewhere, nor do you need a a hoard of people asking you to hashtag some movement to feel like you are going somewhere in life. (But if it genuinely makes you feel better then by all means). 
(Via Giphy).

Just do what makes sense to you and stick to it. You don't need all that psuedo-inspirational crap to make you feel better about yourself. And really, all you need to feel like you belong is a giant beanbag, and all you need to feel like you are going somewhere is a mermaid blanket.
Or that's what I feel at least. #truestory.

Anyway, I'll now leave you with this great song by Havana Brown (it's been a while!)


Cheers!
❤ Jac.

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