Friday, February 24, 2017

What you need for a Hen's Party!

Hi guys! So you might know that, like many other people, I'm married but not really. It's that iffy time between your ROM and yo...

Hi guys!

So you might know that, like many other people, I'm married but not really. It's that iffy time between your ROM and your actual wedding where you know, you don't know if you're married or not. Well, legally you are, but socially you are not because you haven't had your wedding and you don't want other people's stupid advice to get the wedding of their dreams.
(Via Crushable).

Anyway! I'm supposed to do a blog post on how to get married by request of roboteatsgrannies, so I thought I'd cover everything like how it's chronologically supposed to be. I've already covered the my horrendous dating life pretty thoroughly up till the point I met James, who turned things around for me. And also proposed to me which makes me suspect that he might have brain damage, but that's a separate story altogether. So what typically happens after the engagement is THE HEN'S PARTY!

And Jac will share what you need in order to have to have one.

#1 A bride.

So I don't understand why, but James decided to spend the rest of his life with me. I assume it's because of my charming personality.
Anyhow, James fell in love with me, decided that he wanted to be with me and my delightful self for the rest of his life, and proposed! So getting someone to propose to you is one challenge you have to overcome before you can have a Hen's Party. 

#2 A good friend.

Yeah so I have no idea why, but I do have friends. And extremely good friends! Like Marilyn. Marilyn's great. She's now based in Australia but one day, out of the blue...
Yes! Once she knew that she was coming to Singapore for a few days, Marilyn offered me her party planning expertise and free nights to organise a Hen's Night for me! Guys, friendship does not get better than this.

And Ma's an awesome party planner. She asked me for a guest list with email addresses and, that's really all I had to do. She gave great advice too! Like...
Yes, you need someone to knock some sense into your head and tell you you're crazy if you even think of venturing down the wrong road. You also need someone with a good track record. Ten years ago, Marilyn threw me an awesome 18th birthday party. Because I mentioned that I wanted a McDonald's party.
And it was awesome. Just like my bachelorette party! And friends like that don't come easy. So you want an awesome party, you better start screening your friends to make sure there's someone up to the job.

#3 More good friends.

Of course, although it is perfectly acceptable to have a bachelorette party with just you and that one good friend, it might look a bit sad. So what you need is more good friends to join you!
And I had Edwina, Praveena, Pamy, Mag, and Carrie to join me! Omg, I was extremely touched and excited ok. I did not know that I had this many good friends who would turn up for my stuff, feed me alcohol and make me run around and complete silly tasks! I thought the only people who would turn up for my gatherings were guys I bullied into listening to me. #sadbuttrue
And that's basically all you need to have a Hen's Party really - a good girl friend and more good girl friends. But in case you want to have a good time, here's more...

#4 Props.

Marilyn dressed me up for the night. I had a sash, a maid's outfit, and A TIARA! I WAS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING PRINCESS MAID Y'ALL.
Yes, a humble and contented maid who worked in a castle and never thought that her life would come to anything more. But one day, prince came across her and was swept away by her charm and beauty and married her and now she's a princess. WITH A TIARA.
(Via Giphy).

If you don't know how empowering they are, you should get one. It makes you.

#5 A Pole Dancing Class.

My hen's party started out with a pole dancing class courtesy of Marilyn's organisation and The Brass Barre. And it was very fun and easy to follow - look how in sync we were!
They also provided us with shots of vodka at the end it was great. 

#6 A Stripper.

There he is! Can you see him? He turned up in an FBI outfit and um started doing this stripper dance. And ALL I DID WAS LAUGH AWKWARDLY AND TRY TO GET MY HANDS OUT OF THE WAY BUT HE WAS EVERYWHERE.
(Via Giphy).

Sorry, no photos. But my friends had a wonderful time. They said he was an awesome dancer. NOT THAT I COULD TELL BECAUSE I WAS TRYING NOT TO ACCIDENTALLY TOUCH HIS JUNK. But I am so proud of having a stripper ok. I have never had had a stripper before. I had a great stripper. Marilyn is very good for going through the effort of getting me a stripper.
Please, I can only imagine. True friendship right here. Oh, by the way girls, you can get your stripper from Wicked Favors!
Which is coincidentally run by one of our secondary school friends. Sadly, we only found out after Mag started posting photos of our night, after Marilyn had paid for it. So we lost out on the friends and family discount. HAHA.

Also Marilyn told me the Ang Moh strippers cost $100 more than the local strippers. But she got me a Chinese one because you know, I've got my Ang Moh fix sorted for the rest of my life.

#7 Alcohol.

So while I was being given an extremely vigorous lap dance, I asked my stripper if I was the most awkward lap that he has ever danced with. And he said, in many words, "Yes." IN MY DEFENCE, I wasn't drunk and hadn't had any alcohol yet. It's very hard to be slutty and rub your hands over people when you're not inebriated.

Yeah Miley, I feel you. Alcohol is great! It gets everyone in the right mood and also helps you get through all the dares that your friends will inevitably make you do, including getting many many random guys in Loof to carry you.
Sorry, you don't get to see those photos, but this is a photo of what I think an orgasmic face looks like based on my Google image search.
But yes, lots of alcohol is good. And we had plenty!
(Not a comprehensive collage, but you get the point).

And that was how my Hen's Party went! It was awesome, lots of fun, and you know, for a person who wasn't even planning on having a Hen's Night, I think I did extremely well!
Thank you Prav, Ed, Carrie, Mag, Pamy for coming, and of course for Ma for organising! ❤ you all!

❤ Jac.

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