Thursday, October 27, 2016

Some tips on moving-in with your boyfriend.

Hello guys! So you might have noticed from several of my posts that I have moved in with James. We're in the process of buying a hou...

Hello guys!

So you might have noticed from several of my posts that I have moved in with James. We're in the process of buying a house, yes, but I moved in say...earlier this year? Last year? It's hard to keep tabs on this. I'd say it was a gradual process which eventually just led to me not going home.
Anyway, because now James has given me a ring and cannot escape from a lifetime of my psycho-bitch clutches warm and kindly self, I can now proclaim myself an expert on how to move into a guy's house and getting him to make you stay forever.
But before I begin, I would like to caveat that I was not aware that I was moving into James' place, and my observations are made in hindsight. I'm not some crazy person who tries to take over homes okay. I'm crazy, but just a different, more rational kind of crazy. So here goes...

#1 Take up very little room.

You want a place in his house? Don't do it by spreading your belongings around. I took up a chair in his living room. I lived out of that chair. All my stuff was in that chair. I had the one chair.
(Via Giphy).

No, it wasn't as luxurious as that. I had a dining room chair. And I piled everything on it. My bag, my clothes, my charger, my extra bag...
(Via Memes).

Eventually James gave me a drawer. And then two. And then half a cupboard. And another cupboard. And eventually I got to where I am now. Which is, all that and also 75% of the bed if James is lucky. Most of the time, it's something like this.

And oh, I still have my chair.
(I had to take this quickly while James was on a conference call. I think I did a not bad job).

#2 Instill fear in him.

Yes. We all know it's every guy's dream to own a bachelor pad like Barney's.
(Via Imgflip).

And we also know that they know that nothing will spoil a bachelor pad more than having a girl staying in that pad. Girl living with you ≠ Bachelor status.
(Via Her Campus).

So scare him into being scared of living alone. You know how I did it? I hid a stromtrooper in his bathroom.
It was the loudest exclamation of "JESUS CHRIST" I ever heard. Best $50 I spent. Read more here.

ANYWAY, scare him. Don't let him sleep in peace. Make him feel uneasy. That way he won't want to live alone. He will yearn for your company and get persuaded to ask you to move in.

#3 Don't interfere.

You know what girls like? Complaining. I love complaining. Well, just that if you disguise it with a pinch of snark and a dash of  sarcasm you can upgrade it to the way more fashionable "bitching".
(Via Buzzfeed).

But complaining sucks. It's not your house. Don't rearrange things. Be as inconspicuous as possible unless you are planning to scare him. Blend into his furniture. One day, he will just accept your presence as part of his house. Don't change anything. Guys don't want girls interfering with their bachelor pad stuff.
(Via Giphy).

And then one day, he will get so used to you being around that he will feel weird when you're not! Because he has come to associate you with his home. He will ask you to move in. And then he will feel honoured that you're then. THEN, you can change whatever you want. Store 48 bottles of Coke Light in his apartment. It's fine! Remember - you're doing him a favour!
Photo by the good smithankyou.

#4 Be ugly.

You know how everyone says you have to make a good impression on the first date?
(Via Giphy).

It does not apply for moving in. You don't want to impress the guy. You need him to see you at rock bottom so that he won't have any unrealistic expectations of his future. You want him to be pleasantly surprised when you are well-behaved, not for him to expect you to be well behaved all the time.
(Via Giphy).

You must be at your worst behaviour so that he becomes highly impressed by your occasional bouts of good behaviour. So much so that he will invite you to move in with him. So you know, when you're at his house, don't be all pretty and made up. You need him such that he will take photos of you because he thinks you're pretty. Even though you look quite ridiculous, are shouting in his ear, and trying to drag him out for dim sum.

#5 Cook up a storm.

I'm a brilliant cook. We have no gas. But I make do. Here are some things that I have made for James.
And sometimes I make coffee, cereal with milk, and alcoholic drinks. The important thing is that he will recognise your effort and invite you to move in. Because seriously, do you think guys will make themselves chocolate penis bananas? No. But you can! (Seriously, if I can make them so can you).

Okay! I've come to the end of my very helpful and useful advice. Good luck with your moving-in endeavours! May you have a wonderful life of cohabitation that is slightly skewed in your favour.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend guys!


Cheers!
❤ Jac.

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