Thursday, July 28, 2016

#firstworldproblems: Annoying Salespeople.

Hello guys! So I'm sure you've all been in the situation where you've gone for a facial, a hair treatment, massage, or manic...

Hello guys!

So I'm sure you've all been in the situation where you've gone for a facial, a hair treatment, massage, or manicure, and everything goes great until your therapist starts trying to sell you upgrades, package deals and so and so forth. And you know, they start saying lots of confusing stuff to pressure you into buying lots of things.
(Via Giphy).


And it's a PAIN. Like, I am trying to be a prudent adult here stop trying to convince me that I need to spend money on things that you and I both know won't make the difference between life and death for me.
(Via Giphy).

And it's not just with these wellness and beauty packages. It's with EVERYTHING. From the people peddling the latest credit cards on the street, to the so-called do gooders selling sketchy cheap plastic pens for $10 for the latest charity case in MRT underpasses. Like seriously shut up and fuck off.
(Via Giphy).

And it's not just the girls who get it too. Have you heard about the guy who signed a $8k+ package at California Fitness just for it to close down 2 weeks later? Yeah. All of us are suckers sometimes.
(Via Buzzfeed).

Anyway! Here are some excuses/ legit reasons you can use to shut that hard-selling sales person up, with assessments and ratings of each one.

#1 I'm broke.

Yeah we have all used this one. We're broke. Most of the time it's the truth. Who has the free capital to spend thousands of dollars on facial packages which you're not really sure will result in your have a glowing complexion, or a volcanic epithelial eruption. 
(Via Buzzfeed).

I've used this a few times. It's not so good, I admit. Because saying that you're broke might bring on a possible tirade of how much money you're saving if you buy it NOW, TODAY, ON THE SPOT, as compared to if you buy it next time. One-time offer, very good discount, you save this much, very good deal We've heard it all. Don't have to hear it again.

#2 I have a package elsewhere.

I know! This is the perfect lie! I mean, if you had a package elsewhere what are you doing shopping around at other salons?
(Via Giphy).

I mean, It's not bad. Usually results in sales person going "Oh okay, maybe you can consider coming back once that is done." But you know, your karma suffers. What goes around come back around. maybe someday someone will tell you that you have beautiful hair when you're walking around with a haystack on your head.
(Via Stylecaster).

However, I once had this very traumatising experience at Shakura Pigmentation Beauty (Plaza Sing) where the therapist told me, "Everyone also has multiple packages with multiple installations, very common." And then she proceeded to try to talk to shut me into a room to PRESSURE me into signing a 12 session package or what have you.
(Via Buzzfeed).

So firstly, my skin is not that bad. I have my days, but honestly, it's OKAY. Also, you must be a special kind of stupid if you were to listen to the advice of someone telling you that it's okay to sign up for multiple packages with multiple installment plans because everyone else is doing it. SERIOUSLY.
(Via Giphy).

Eventually, her boss had to let me out because I got too loud for the other customers. But like seriously, who died and made you my beauty, financial, and spatial advisor? Maybe someone will tell her to put all her investments in 1MDB one day.
(Via Giphy).

#3 I must ask my husband.

Oh!!! I just discovered this one! You see I was getting my brows threaded when the girl asked me if I wanted to try "permanent eyeliner". You know, like brow embroidery but for the lids.
(Via Buzzfeed).

And because she spoke to me in Chinese, I didn't really know how to say "Oh. My fiance and I just got a joint account and I really should ask him before I sign anything." So instead I went...
Translation: Let me go back and check with my husband. 

And she was like, "Yeah! Ask him and then come back!" and cheerfully went on talking about other things. Wow. I didn't know husbands could be so useful.

#4 I don't need protection.

Not from some random person I just met anyway. You all have gotten stopped by en route to the MRT station by insurance agents and financial planners who are just dying to sell you endowment plans, insurance plans and all sorts of stupid expensive nonsense.
(Via Giphy).

They start with "Miss, I'm not selling anything", and go on to using phrases like "I know you don't like to talk about death", "one day you are going to grow old" and crap like this. OY, FUCK OFF. I don't like people prying into my private affairs. I have a brain, and I'm relatively reasonable. I can buy my own insurance without you trying to shove it down my throat.
(Via Giphy).

Also, I'm sure we all have friends we no longer talk to because they decided to get involved with multilevel marketing, or insurance agents. Like, PEOPLE. Stop exploiting your friends ok. I haven't spoken to you in 5 years, my life has been fine without you being in it. I don't want to meet you for coffee to hear about your company and how it can help me multiply my savings. I also really don't appreciate your sudden text which starts with "Hi Jacq!", or "Hi Jacqueline!"
(Via Giphy).

ALL OF MY FRIENDS KNOW THAT I DON'T CONDONE THE Q AT THE END OF JAC AND NONE OF MY FRIENDS ADDRESS ME WITH MY FULL NAME. (Read: if you didn't know that then you are not my friend).
(Via Giphy).

Yeah. so just tell them straight "I don't need it". And repeat yourself. It's very hard to sell stuff to someone who sounds like a broken record.

Also, I have one insurance agent who handles everything for me. Her name is Edwina from NTUC Income. If she can raise two kids, buy a house, and go on multiple holidays with me, she is capable of handling anything. Also unless I specifically ask for advice, she never talks about anything insurance related, which I appreciate.

#5 Are you telling me I don't look good?

So there are also many stupid salespeople in the world, who take it upon themselves to sell you products that they think you are in dire need of.
(Via Giphy).

Like there was this one time when I was in Watsons' contemplating tissue box designs when this random salesperson pops up and tells me that this slimming cream on the shelf next to the pile of tissue paper boxes is very effective and that I should give it a try.
(Via Giphy).

EH BITCH. ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT? Ok, like, I am not the skinniest person around but why the fuck would you try to sell my slimming creams. Do I look like I'm in dire need for them? And, HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S EFFECTIVE? DO YOU TAKE IT? BECAUSE IF SO I CAN'T SEE THE RESULTS.
(Via Giphy).

I was extremely annoyed. So I looked at her and started to question her intentions. It went something like this....
Me, "You think I need slimming cream?" 
Her, "No, I mean it is good to buy."  
Me, "Is it because I'm fat?" 
Her, "No no." 
Me, "Oh so I don't need to buy."
Her, "Ya but you can consider if you want."
Bullshit. In the end, she pretended to have something to do and hurried off. TMD. So next time someone tells you to buy something to improve your appearance, ask them why they think you need it. They'd probably run away trying not to wet themselves.
(Via Her Campus).

Okay I've come to the end of my list of excuses. I think the "I will ask my husband" is the most effective. Or maybe Im just biased because it's my newest discovery.

And here's a good video for you on this rainy Thursday afternoon.


Friday soon!
❤ Jac.

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