Thursday, July 07, 2016

Acknowledging your old age and some parenting advice.

Hello guys, So I just wanted to share one of the realities of life - you grow old. (Via Giphy ).

Hello guys,

So I just wanted to share one of the realities of life - you grow old.
(Via Giphy).
Yes. It's sad but true. You can shop as much as you want in Forever 21, but that still doesn't hide that fact that you're becoming wrinklier, saggier, and suddenly have to deal with a fuckload of things that you previously didn't even know existed.
(And I know that this isn't exactly a picture of me dealing with a fuckload of things, but I don't usually take photos when I'm dealing with stuff you see).

But yes, everyone has a turning point. That sudden point in life when you realise that you're really old. That your previous assumptions on ageing were wrong, and that this time you accept that you're no longer young.
(Via Giphy).

And here's mine. With some helpful check marks sprinkled throughout to help you identify key moments of my experience which all lead up to me realising that I've gone over the hill.
It all starts with James and I going to Harvey Norman (✓) to look at refrigerators (✓). Yes. We went to a electronic and household appliances store, not to look at cool things like computers or televisions, but to look at refrigerators. Who does that?!
(Via Giphy).

That's right. Old people. But that's not when I realised how old I was. There's more.
(Via Giphy).

So James and I were checking out the selection of refrigerators in the refrigerator aisle. And deciding what sort of refrigerator would be good - one door vs two door, ice dispenser vs no ice dispenser, freezer on top vs freezer at the bottom  (✓). WTF. Who does such things. You know what's in our refrigerator now? Alcohol and lots of Star Wars ice cubes.
And that's only the freezer. There's more alcohol below. And Coke Light of course. I love Coke Light.
So yes, anyway! There we were in Harvey Norman making decisions which would possibly affect the rest of our lives. And then, the pests came.
(Via Giphy).

These two pests boys, one about 4 and another about 7 started running down the aisle, screaming and shouting as they did.
(Via Giphy).

And the older one took it upon himself to lead his brother in a game of "let us show these people in Harvey Norman what brats we can be", He would run to a refrigerator, yank open the fridge door, slam it shut, yank open the freezer door, and then slam that shut too. And then race to the next refrigerator to do exactly the same thing. And his brother would follow suit.
(Via Gifsoup).

Do you know how many refrigerators there are in Harvey Norman? 20 FUCKING MILLION AT LEAST. And it's not like it was a safe game to play, judging by the strength they were using the slam the fridge doors shut. Some of the refrigerators were wobbling from the impact of their slamming and James was worried that a whole refrigerator would fall on them. Please note that I said that James was worried. He probably knew that I would probably be part of the reason why a refrigerator would fall on top of the kids.
(Via Giphy).

So I stood in front of a refrigerator, and I held it shut so that the stupid boy couldn't open it. But he kept trying. And he even like put his whole body weight into it that insolent brat.
(Via Giphy).

Okay fine. I let him have that one.
(Via Giphy).

So I went over to the next refrigerator and held the door shut, and when he came up and stared at me like I was the one being an asshole, I went in my fiercest most adult voice, "DON'T PLAY WITH THE FRIDGE." (✓) And he stared petulantly at me. Like how dare I spoil his fun.
(Via Giphy).

But the stupid kid didn't know that I have been practising my withering ES&D expression for more than twenty years. So I won. How dare he try to start a stare off with the #RBF queen.

And he raced away as fast as his stumpy little legs would carry him, forgetting to warn his brother in the process. So his brother tried the same thing with me. And his little brain couldn't comprehend why I wouldn't let him open the fridge door, even after I told him not to play with the fridge. So he just stood there as I stared down on him.
(Via Giphy).

Then his brother shouted, "弟弟来! Auntie 不让我们玩!" (✓) (✓) And the little puny thing scampered off.
(Via Giphy).

Yes. I had kids complaining because I had publicly disciplined them, and they also referred to me as "auntie". I somehow found it very amusing so I opened a fridge door, hid behind it, and burst into laughter. Yes. I now take joy in preventing kids from having their fun. So much so that I didn't even care about being called auntie.  (✓)
(Via Giphy).

Accepting my new title. Sigh. Welcome to old age. Anyway, after that you could just hear the kids screaming "Auntie 不让我们玩!" for the next half hour. But, because of my acceptance of my new title, I just didn't care.
(Via Giphy).

Yes. And this is hence how I graduated from my youth to become and old person. And here's what I want to say to everyone,
If not for you and your poor parenting skills and unruly kids, I would still be basking in my youth instead of drowning in my old age. And if you can't discipline them, then keep them locked up at home so that they don't become a public nuisance. The end. 

So, TGIF! Enjoy your weekend guys!

❤ Jac.

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