Saturday, May 28, 2016

Lies Amateur Pole Dancers Tell.

Hello guys! So you may know that I'm not the most sporty person around. I mean I'm happy to do sports, and I'm not bad at...

Hello guys!

So you may know that I'm not the most sporty person around.
I mean I'm happy to do sports, and I'm not bad at it, but you know what happens when you exercise? That's right. YOU SWEAT.
(Via Giphy).

And that's not attractive. You girls can tell yourself you look hot and sexy when you sweat, but in reality, do you know what really happens?
(Via Giphy).

Don't pretend that that never happens to you. In reality, sweaty people are generally unglamorous. And people just accept that sweating is a part of exercise. But you know what form of exercise makes a good workout but doesn't involve sweating?
(Via Giphy).

That's right! Pole dancing! If you have been following my blog for some time, you might have seen my review on the SLAP pole dancing studio in Telok Ayer. And many of you like to ask how pole dancing it's like. Well, it requires you to lie a lot. Why? Because every time you tell people that's what you do as a hobby, it is followed by an invariable barrage of questions that go something like this:

"That is so cool! You must be so fit. OMG can you bring me? Where do you do it? How much does it cost? OMG that must be so difficult. Are you like very pro?"

(Via Pinterest).

Oh please I don't mind you asking but not the first thing in the morning in front of a bunch of people who may be secretly listening in to our conversation. As it is, I am not a morning person. I don't like mornings. Or people.
(Via Giphy).

So you know, I have come up a list of nice lies that we pole dancers sometimes tell to avoid telling people that we enjoy prancing around in our underwear. Here goes!

#1 "I'm going to the gym."

Oh this one's a classic. So you head to work with your huge gym bag full of fun pole dancing stuff after work. And your colleagues, upon seeing you with a huge gym bag decide to strike up some absolutely unnecessary morning elevator conversation...
Yeah. The "I'm going to the gym" is always a good one to have in the bag. It's boring, mundane, and avoids inessential and rather loud exclamations that seem to follow every time you tell people you pole dance as a hobby.
(Via Gifrific).

So yes. Off to the gym I go.
(Via Giphy).

#2 I do weight lifting.

Or "I lift", as some kind souls corrected me when the dreaded question of "Why are your hands so rough?" Yeah it happens. People tend to notice when they get a feel of your calloused, blistered hands when you greet them with a handshake. Or you know, the more plausible scenario, that I'm examining my blisters when I'm bored in a meeting.
(Via Giphy).

But anyway, these are the state of my hands after pole dancing class - covered in dried out liquid chalk (or dry hands if you rather), blisters, and tons of peeling dead skin.
I know, not a pretty sight. The liquid chalk washes off,  but the dead skin never goes away completely. Thank goodness for female weight lifters who give me a way out.
(Via Giphy).

#3 I walked into the drawers.

Do you know what your legs look like after pole dancing? They look like you thought that rolling over some rocks would be a good idea.

Yes like that. But you know, over rocks instead of sand. So I get bruises all over. It's a horrible sight.
You can't imagine the number of drawers I tell people that I walk into, to cover up my hobby of dancing gracefully in my underwear.

#4 It's for my boyfriend.

All pole dancers to some extent, suffer from this phenomenon known as "sweaty palms". And if you can imagine, that's not very convenient when you are suspended 2 meters up in the air.
(Via Buzzfeed).

So many of us slather ourselves in this sticky product that is more commonly used by guys otherwise known as shaving cream.
(Via Cheezburger).

And sometimes shaving cream goes on sale in Watson's. Buy 2 get 1 free, or buy 1 get 1 at 50% off. And this results in me going back to the office after lunch with like, 6 bags of shaving cream and shampoo. (What? I get more Watson's points if I buy more in one go!)
(Via Guide Life).

And my colleagues invariably go, "OMG. Why do you need so much shaving cream?"
And I blame it all on James. It's okay if people think he's a hairy ogre. It's better than them knowing that I slather myself in men's products to stick to poles.

#5  It's for my short friend.

So there are times when I have to expand my shoe collection for dance. 
And I typically get my shoes shipped from Amazon to Singapore because it's usually cheaper. But what this results in is that I get a huge package at the POPStation which I collect during lunch and lug back to the office to unpack.
(Via Giphy).

And because I'm not always very careful, some one might see and go...
(Via Bustle).

Yeah it's a bitchy world out there. Us pole dancing slutty shoe girls gots to be careful, so deny that it's yours and let your imaginary extremely short friend with self-esteem issues whom your colleagues will never meet take the blame.
(Via Her Campus).

Okay! Yes. So you know, it's not that I'm a compulsive liar or anything, but you know. Sometimes it's just more convenient to tell a white lie than spend 20 minutes talking to people you don't really lie. I'm sure you guys can relate. If you can't, then please leave this site. It's note for you. Because I make them good girls go bad.
(Via weheartit).

Anyway, pole dancing is good and I'm sure many people are proud to show off their tricks and stuff. But I'm an awkward person who doesn't. But if you are interested in watching a hilarious video of someone  KILLING it at amateur pole, here you go!

❤ Jac.

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