Thursday, March 03, 2016

Signs that you're getting old (and how to counter them).

Hello guys! So as you might know, I'm getting extremely old. (Via Giphy ).

Hello guys!

So as you might know, I'm getting extremely old.
(Via Giphy).

Really. And how do I know that I'm getting old? Well, the signs are everywhere!! It's depressing really.
(Via Giphy).

Luckily, I have found many ways to counter the obvious signs of ageing and I am going to share them with you now.

#1 "I'm so old."

So you're in a bar, let's call it Hopscotch, and you're happily making your way through the menu with your friend, let's call him James. And you're busy playing Uno Stacko because that's what fun people do on a Friday night. Get drunk whilst playing games from their childhood.
(Via someecards).

That's right. It was extremely fun. Until you suddenly hear some girl in the other table going....
(Via Imgur).

HEY. HEY. HEY. You were born in the 90s okay. You are not old. You are only old when you are in a bar surrounded by tables of people at least 25% younger than you. These 90s kids, what do they know about being old?!
(Via Imgur).

That's right. Anyway, if you hear younger people in a bar complaining about being old, what you should do is obviously to buy more drinks to temporarily forget your age.

It's okay. They are younger and hence have less money. And they'd obviously have less experience in alcohol drinking. So it's almost certain that they'd leave earlier, or pass out on the ground while you're still standing.
(Via Buzzfeed).

Either way it means that you'd win.

#2 "You're married right?"

So my colleague and I were talking to this guy at some event the other day when he suddenly went...
(Via Wifflegif).

Like hey! Since when was I included in the "married people" age group. No one has ever assumed that I'm married before ok. It was quite a traumatising experience.
(Via Buzzfeed).

Yeah. So I had no comeback to this but to complain to James. And this was his response.
Damn straight. And whoever says that I am afraid to admit when other people are right can go and jump off a building.

#3. Weddings.

Speaking of marriage and other things. EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED. I went to about twenty million weddings in 2015.
And while I am very happy that you're getting married and also to attend your weddings, IT'S VERY EXPENSIVE TO ATTEND EVERY SINGLE ONE YOU'RE INVITED TO. Seriously, I now give out more hongbaos in a year than what I receive in 3 years combined. 

It's a sign of age. And the solution is to make sure that you drink your hongbao's worth at each wedding you attend. It's your right.
(Via Bustle).

Take it as if you're paying for a good night's worth of alcohol instead of you funding your friends' adult lives.

#4 "I cannot go to Forever 21 already."

So I was minding my own business the other day when someone went...
And then she went...
EXCUSE ME. WE ARE ABOUT THE SAME AGE. And then she went on about how she feels so old when she steps into Forever 21, especially since "everyone looks so young now." Luckily I had a comeback.
That's right.

#5 "We've known each other for very long ah."

So you probably know that I have this very pretty friend Marilyn and we always do lots of fun things together.
And sometimes we talk and realise that we've known each other for quite a long time. 19 years this year. 19 years is a very long time. You see, this what I think was our first photo together. In 2003, 13 years ago.
It's not very clear. But it's probably for the best. It's our second worst picture together. I can't put our worst picture together. You might think that both of us got rhinoplasty, botox, fillers, implants, and also a fairy godmother judging by how terrible we used to look.

Although being friends with someone for that long a time is a sure sign that you're older, that's okay. You should be proud of your wonderful friendship ofc. This is a great sign of ageing, unlike the rest of those cursed signs.
But I guess if having a friend for so long affects you that much you can always dispose of her and make new friends of course.

#6 Stupid Brainfreezes.

Speaking of stupid cursed signs of ageing, I just got a brainfreeze from eating a Fisherman's Friend and drinking some cold water. Okay fine. It was two Fisherman's Friends. But it's a stupid reason to get a brainfreeze anyway. It must be age.
(Via Metro).

And it's annoying really. You could once down a Giant Slurpee in under 2 minutes without even batting an eyelid. What's with this brainfeeze from water and two sweets?!
(Via Gifrific).

I concluded that it must be the sweets. Those evil little buggers. Just crush them with your teeth to show them who's boss. Crush them. With a vengeance.

#7 Not all the white hair you have grows from your head.

Okay so this hasn't happened to me yet. Honestly!
(Via Imgur).

Yes. Be as sceptical as you want, but this really wasn't me. Anyway, what happened was that someone had a rather long strand of brow hair which was sticking out like a sore thumb. And this annoyed me because well, I'm the one looking at this distressing hair aren't I?

And when someone got around to pulling the brow hair out, it was WHITE. These days, you not only have to care about the hair growing from the top of your head turning white, but you have to care about your brows turning white as well. It's a tough world.
(Via Buzzfeed).

But let's face it. The world is tough and it won't do you any good if you just hide in a hole. What you must do is to wear a helmet to hide your white hairs, the ones growing from your head and your brows alike.
(Via Gifrific).

Here, the term "helmet" is a metaphor for "pretty girlfriend" who will help to notify you when you have a stray hair poking out of your brows so that you can deal with it accordingly. If you're a girl, I recommend that you go and tint your eyebrows. No guy will notice your eyebrows when you have a pair of something else they rather look at.

Yeah don't be dirty. I was referring to your eyes.

Anyway, I've come to the end of my post. So here's a good song to cap your week off! It's almost Friday!

❤ Jac.

You Might Also Like