Tuesday, February 23, 2016

8 Relationship Milestones.

Hello guys! So if you have been following my blog for some time, you might have noticed that one of my pet topics used to be whining about...

Hello guys!

So if you have been following my blog for some time, you might have noticed that one of my pet topics used to be whining about my single life. Sadly, I cannot do that now because James and I had the world's most awkward conversation to change that.

Sorry. I cannot elaborate on the conversation because I am physically incapable of doing so. Like I might die of sheer awkwardness. Cross my heart.
Anyway! Since I cannot blog about me and my now non-existent single life, I will now blog about some very relationship goals which I think are very important and should count as major milestones in your non-single life. Sorry. I am not good at blogging about the non-single life. Terming it anything apart from non-single might be a bit too mushy for me. But I'll try ok?

#1 Uninstalling Tinder.

Tinder is very important for bored single people out there. Because unlike your Facebook which is filled with happy pictures of people getting married, having babies and enjoying life in general, Tinder is filled with sad single people, trying to inject some excitement into their lives.
(Via Bust).

Just like yourself. And uninstalling Tinder practically symbolises you signing your single life away.
(Via Dorkly).

It's the mobile app equivalent of changing your Facebook status from "single" to "in a relationship". Big step.

#2 Getting WiFi.

So when you first start hanging out awkwardly with each other, you waste lots of your limited 4G on WhatsApp-ing people or stalking people on Facebook while the other is in the shower.
(Via someecards).

Then there comes a point in time when you're like "THIS ISN'T WORTH IT!" So now your phone can automatically connect to his WiFi network and you do whatever you want without having to worry about your data cap! Yes, getting someone's WiFi password is a big deal. And yes, I know the lengths that many would go to just to get free WiFi.
(Via The Berry).

AND you can even hijack his TV and watch all your saved videos thanks to ChromeCast! What a big step for you.

#3 Saving his address in the taxi booking app.

Maybe you didn't notice how much you were dropping by until one day, you realise it's ridiculous to keep asking him for his postal code because you have memory worse than a goldfish your mind is far too occupied unraveling the mysteries of the universe.
(Via eonline).

So there you go. You save his address in your taxi app. A big step considering you have never even saved your own in. Omg. Loser.

#4 Posting a couple photo.

Posting a couple photo on social media is a very delicate matter. Social media is filled with nosey, prying busybodies who are too eager to ask a gazillion questions over issues that don't concern them the very least.

"Who is this guy?" "Where did you meet?" "Are you together?"


Ugh. Or worse, people who make stupid comments without first thinking it through.

"You guys are the perfect couple!" "So sweet!"

(Via Metro).

Please. The only time I use the word "sweet" is when I want to snack on something less substantial than chocolate. Reading such stuff on my Facebook makes me die a little inside.

So yeah. Big step ok posting a photo online.

#5 Sharing your phone's password.

I guard my phone like a rottweiler on steroids. I'm very protective of my phone. I never let it leave my side. Not even when I'm on holiday in KL.
So you know, sharing the pin to your phone is a very big milestone. Or it should be. My phone is like the window to whatever's left of my soul.
(Via MTV).

No not really. But you get the gist. Exchanging phone passwords? You might as well raise a potted plant together. It will be fun. You can name him Leon.

#6 Getting comfortable.

No I do not mean the first fart. I mean that you are comfortable with each other to brush away your facade of good behaviour and start making all sorts of unsavoury requests.
(Via Giphy).

Oops wrong photo. I meant to post this.
(Via Giphy).

NO, don't be dirty. I'll have you know that unlike most people, my mind is very clean and pure. What I meant by unsavoury requests was that you can now blurt out things like, "Can you move closer so that I can sprawl over you?"

And you can now do it without thinking of a more sophisticated way of phrasing it first.
(Via Giphy).

Yeah I know. I'm a class act. I awarded myself with a mental trophy because I asked James if I could sprawl over him. Good job me.
(Via CBS).

Separately, I do not know why people like to say that the first fart you make is a significant milestone in a relationship. Please. It just means that your digestive system is working. Get over it and move on.

#7 Your diet changes.

I mean, we all have our own food preferences. But most of the time, I don't really care about the kind of food I eat. But you know, everyone has their own boring preferences that they are willing to give up to a certain extent. Until one day, because of external influences, you find yourself suddenly consuming cereal for breakfast, wraps for dinner, and dim sum for weekend brunch.
(Sorry I do not have any photos of us eating our usual food).

I don't know how that happened. Anyway, it's nice to know that alcohol remains a comforting constant.
Coincidentally, I noticed that James and also all the guys I used to date reported an exponential increase in their consumption of Coke Light. Yeah. It's an inexplicable phenomenon.

#8 Friday night plans.

When you are single, one of the most troubling things is finding stuff to do on a Friday night. Well, there's clubbing...
Eating, drinking, clubbing. There's really not much you can do on a Friday night. And it's very tedious to keep looking for people to do things with you on a Friday night. Why. If I were to write a love song, it wouldn't be something lame like...

Or maybe like...
(Via Denapr).

If I were to write a sappy song, it would firstly, be a rap. And secondly it would go along the lines of

"BECAUSE OF YOU I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY FRIDAY NIGHT PLANS NO MORE.
'CAUSE NOW I CAN HANG WITH YOU INSTEAD OF WITH SOME WHORES."

Yeah I know. I'm really hood.
Friday night plans being taken care of by themselves? Now that's the life.

(Via Wikia).

And now let me share this very good song with you guys.


Also sorry for the late post. I was busy um, sleeping. Because I'm old and this is what old people do. More next time. Goodnight!

Cheers!
❤ Jac.

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