Monday, October 05, 2015

Why I Can’t Be A Politician

Hello! So the GE is over and you know because I am destined to be the Supreme Overlord Of The World , many people have suggested that I ta...


So the GE is over and you know because I am destined to be the Supreme Overlord Of The World, many people have suggested that I take part in the next elections as a candidate. While I am somewhat flattered that some people think that I have ministerial-like qualities, I’m mostly just extremely shocked at my friends’ appalling judgement. ME? A politician? You’ve gotta be kidding me.

#1 I’m very apathetic.

I’m like possibly the most unfeeling person in the world. Sure you can tell me your problems - that you lost your wallet, that your nail broke, and that your boyfriend prefers his computer over you. And I can nod understandingly and provide you with some seemingly sympathetic lines. But really, this is how I feel about you and your problems.

Hey, it could be worse! I could be like...
And to my understanding, politicians must be caring and be interested in all the puny issues of all the little people out there. HAH. I can barely care about my own issues. What makes anyone think that I have the capacity to care about other peoples' issues is beyond me.

And on that note...

#2 I curse.

And I don't mean in a dark magic kind of way. I mean it in the....
Kind of way. Won't go down with voters very well I think. Don't even think my own mother would support me.

#3 I hate people.

It's nothing personal, but I generally don't like people.
That's right. Everyone. And I know that everyone thinks that I'm always obsessing over my phone because I have separation issues with technology.
But that's really not true. You see, I just have an affinity to stuff which you know, gives me an excuse to avoid human interaction.

#4 I can't act.

It's true. My wonderfully expressive eyes give it all away. And that's why I resort to wearing sunglasses all the time, whenever possible. Don't believe me? Here are some examples.
And everyone assumes that I wear sunglasses all the time because I want to look cool. Pfft. What nonsense. I am cool and dignified all the time, whether I have my sunglasses or not. Aren't I a sight for sore eyes?
Yeah. Anyway, my point was that I wear shades because I can't hide my emotions and I can't act to save my life. My expressive eyes give everything away. People can always tell when I'm lying through my teeth.
Maybe I should start complimenting people more. Ugh. But yeah. I can't act. Which is something I'd need to do a lot if I'm a politician I think. Because I understand that caring about society, the world, and wanting to make a difference is what being a politician is all about. And if I can't even convince myself to stand up to stretch my aching limbs, what makes you think I can convince the world that I care about their piddly ass problems?
(Via Nerdist).

#5 I am not graceful.

Yeah yeah. I know what you're thinking.
And I guess it's true. I do have some rather graceful looking photos.
But these wonderful pictures I've posted were taken after COUNTLESS shots and retakes. Like this one here. Looks nice right.
But sadly, reality paints a different picture.

And you notice that you can't really see my face in any of the photos. And it's a good thing too. Because I must have looked like a terrible mess. But it's okay.

Yeah. That's what I tell myself anyway. Anyway. I don't think that I can as a politician meet people on the ground, shake their hands and all the rest of it when I'm tripping over my own feet. You can ask James. He says that since he has known me, I have spent more time being decorated in blood and bruises than being, well, unscathed. For more information on the clumsy chronicles of careless Jac, you may refer to this blog entry - "Things that People say to an Injured Jac."
(Via iDiva).

That's right. Not drunk. Just all over the place. But speaking of drinking...

#6 I drink. 

Which is fine. You know what they say - drink more water for a happier, healthier you!
(Via pixshark).

Sadly, water isn't my choice drink. And neither is whatever fruit juice, protein shake, or health concoction that fitness sites always seem to think I'm interested in. To be honest, I'm more of a Coke Light kind of girl.
Oops. Wrong set of photos. I have no idea where that came from. I meant to put this.
Yeah anyway, you can see why I will never be the poster child for health, fitness, or anything related to maintaining a good public image. Which I guess, is something most politicians must do. But since we're on the topic of drinking, here is a meme for you which is really not representative of me at all.
(Via someecards).

#7 I dress inappropriately.

Have you seen one of my favourite tank tops? It's this one right here.
Yes. It says Brazil and I love it. Sadly I am not Brazilian and it would be inappropriate for a non-Brazilian politician to be constantly seen parading around in a tank top in support of Brazil. I wonder where my tank top is now. The last time I saw it was on 9 August when I realised that the Brazilian flag was the wrong flag to fly on National Day. I have not seen my top since.

Also aside from my top with Brazilian flag, I also have a top with the Union Jack splashed across it. Also shorts with the American flag. Also shorts with the Australian flag. 
But maybe anime characters are what people like. Anyway, nationalistic issues aside, some people have also commented that the slogans on some of my shirts may be considered offensive to some. This for example.
And there I was thinking how extremely clever my shirt is. You know, à la Comme Des Garçons? But no. My mother and James were not impressed. Nessie said that she had a cap with those same words though, so maybe its a pioneer generation thing. Or maybe they're just jealous.
Either way, doesn't seem like the way to increase vote shares.

#8 I'm a bitch.

Yeah. I am. And it's really because of the unfortunate circumstances that I've been put through, and not because I chose the path of bitchiness of course.
(Via Pinterest).

I engage in the spreading of distortions, rumours, untruths, myths, and smears. And also gossip and judge. Or in other words, bitch.
I also use underhand means to get people to do things for me. Be it carrying my bag, cowering at my feet, or forming my entourage.
I could pull wool over your eyes and spin some story about how I'm often misunderstood and how I'm actually a very opinionated person who has a flair of getting everything her way, etc etc etc. But you know, as previously mentioned...

#9 I am very narcissistic.

That's correct. I don't display it in the conventional way, ie. posting selfies of myself in various changing rooms and toilets around the island, spending hours in front of the mirror to stick falsies onto my eyelids, or writing self-righteous pseudo-philosophical pretentious pieces on life, ideas, and who cares? They don't actually mean anything and they all sound more or less the same.

No. Instead, my narcissism manifests in other ways. Like my tendency to Google for roads with "Jacqueline" in them before going to any specific country.
So you can probably tell that if I was left in charge of a country, I would name/rename everything after me. Jacqueline Road. Jacqueline Wong Park. Jac Wong Nature Reserve. Vanda Ms Jacqueline. In fact, I think I would just name MRT stations Jaccqueline 1 - Jacqueline 146 just so that everyone would have to listen to my name being announced over the PA system at each MRT stop. I mean at each JMRT stop. (My intention is to rename the MRT system to "Jac Mass Rapid Transit").
(Via Giphy).

But you know, James (who is sometimes wise and worldly), maintains that narcissism is an essential quality that politicans must possess. So maybe the world is ready to embrace a leader as self-centred as me.
(Via MTV).

#10 I have the wrong priorities.

So while my friends are busy helping the nation progress by increasing the TFR, GDP, and ETC, I have just been mucking around and not doing anything of value. One good example would be my "Selfies of Jac with James working in the background" series, where I take selfies. Of James. When he is working. In the background.
Extremely productive of me. You can see why I can be a highly valued asset to any company or organisation.
(Via Buzzfeed).

  Just think of how much I can contribute to an entire nation if given the opportunity.
(Via someecards).

Yeah, no. I have neither the ambition nor the drive to bring my nation to greater heights, which wouldn't work out very well for my political career. I'd just leave the work in the hands of the hoi polloi and you know, jsut not participate in such trivial issues.
(Via Buzzfeed).

And this is really why I will never be a politician guys. Very sorry to disappoint. But hey! This at least gives you a chance to stand for political posts - I imagine that you won't even get your deposit back if you were running against me! Or Smith for that matter. His post here.

Anyway, it is time to sleep of course, and I would like to leave you with this very good song.

Have a good week ahead guys!
❤ Jac.

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