Tuesday, July 07, 2015

Misfortune Cookies.

Hello guys! As you probably know, I'm an extremely hard worker who is very committed to doing her job well. You can always find me in ...

Hello guys!

As you probably know, I'm an extremely hard worker who is very committed to doing her job well. You can always find me in the office, hard at work, pouring over stacks of reports or typing furiously at my computer screen.

Oops. Wrong picture. I meant to put this.
(Via pandawhale).

I don't actually have a picture of me in full-fledged work mode because my colleagues all know that I would bite their heads off if I get even the slightest bit disturbed when I'm in the zone. Which is of course, 95% of the time. I'm a very hardworking individual you see.

Anyway, during one of the rare times when I was taking a break at work, I chanced upon these awesome "Misfortune Cookies".
And I was immediately drawn towards them. Why? Well, let me lay it down for you.

#1 To the point.

I'm sick of what I see on my social media - my feeds are being flooded with people posting pseudo-intellectual quotes, phoney inspirational quotes, and supposedly motivational speeches. Like this quote which I got off someone's sharing of "50 Love Quotes for Your Boyfriend".

What's this supposed to mean? I have no idea. There are so many words but none of them make any sense. I guess this is why I am not in a relationship. Clearly I need to learn how to say things other than "Can you stop posting sappy stuff online? It is very disgusting."
(Via Giphy).

Which makes the Misfortune Cookies were a refreshing change. Because unlike these numerous articles and posts which encourage people to share long strings of texts worth nothing of significant value, these cookies contain statements which are concise and logical.
Shelby's misfortune: "Things can only get better. But they won't."
Gavin's misfortune: "You can't polish a turd."

See? No airy-fairy nonsense. Short and to the point. I can follow.

#2 Brutally Honest.

(Via Imgur).

In this era of social media and the internet, blunt honesty is a commodity that has become extremely scarce. Everything is covered in layers of cotton candy, rainbows, and fluff. Oh you turned vegetarian because the idea of killing is deplorable? You left out the part about you still being able to eat fish. Oh you're fit because you go to the gym everyday? You left out the part where you spend 90% of the time spent in the gym taking selfies in the mirror.
(Via Complex).

Yes. Everything is presented to you in half-truths or lies. Which makes these brutally honest Misfortune Cookies extremely rare and valuable.
Eleanor's misfortune: "Be yourself. No one would want to be you anyway."
Julian's misfortune: "You make others feel good about themselves. In comparison to you."
Thad's misfortune: "You missed out on something over the past 20 years. That whole 'fashion' idea."

Dr House would secretly approve.

#3 Mercilessly Funny.

The value of dark humour has been lost in this age of feel-good productions such as Frozen, Glee, and Pitch Perfect. I disapprove. Sarcasm and witty insults have become an underappreciated art form.

But it's okay. Because the Misfortune Cookies are here to revive dark humour by insulting your friends/enemies in a wickedly amusing manner.
Jo's misfortune: "Do you love nature despite what it did to you?"
Christine's misfortune: "If your life were a film, it would be zero out of five stars."
Chengwei's misfortune: "How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?"

#4 Suitable for Everyone.

Because I had 3 boxes worth of Misfortune Cookies on hand, I decided to force them upon everyone I knew, whether they seemed interested or not. And as it turned out, everyone was very amused by them!

You can give them out to friends who could use a laugh.

Edward's misfortune: "There's something not right about you!"
Eugene's misfortune: "Your personal reminder for the rest of the year: Go home. Pull duvet over your head and wait for it to pass."

*Edward and Eugene are the brothers behind popular Korean lunchbox concept restaurant Dosirak.

Enemies* whom you think need a reality check.

Nyx's misfortune: "At the end of your rainbow is a crock of shit."
Yvonne's misfortune: "You're going to need to learn something from the Incredible Hulk: How to be really strong."

*Photos are for illustrative purposes only, I am too lovable to have enemies.

You can give them to healthy people who exercise and stuff. 

(Misfortune cookies are suitable for the lactose-intolerant, and also for vegans).
Jamie's misfortune: "You couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag"
Zach's misfortune: "If today were a fish, I'd chuck it back in if I were you."
Steph's misfortune: "By Monday you'll be famous. No, wait. Infamous."

*Steph and Jamie are instructors at Bobbi's Pole Studio Singapore. Zach is a personal trainer who has more muscles than you.

But unhealthy people seem to love them too!

Smith's misfortune: "Don't worry. Sooner or later we'll stop noticing it."
Chris' misfortune: "Has anyone ever told you that you were very good-looking? Nah, didn't think so."

Yeah so give them to whoever you like. Doesn't matter. They will be grateful just to receive one of these awesome misfortune cookies.
Jason's misfortune: "One day you'll be sitting in the basement painting a model railway."
Elaine's misfortune: "Get yourself a lawyer."

Unless of course, you are interrupting their PS4 game time. Then maybe not.
James' misfortune: "You will inherit - a big box of nothing."
James, "But I knew that already!"

#5 Very Good Design.

Maybe it's because I encounter a lot of brainless people in my line of work, or maybe it's just my luck to have met 90% of the products manufactured by the stupid factory.
(Via Amazon).

Whatever it is, it has made me very appreciative of products which obviously required a lot of creativity, brains, and careful planning. Just look at the amount of thought put into these Misfortune Cookies...

Each box contains 13 Misfortune Cookies.

(Via Pechkeks).

The cookies are individually wrapped with four different motifs - 

A black cat...and the rest I can't really figure out. The point is, they are spooky, cool, and well thought through.
(Via Pechkeks).

The cookies are black.

While many might have considered inserting snarky notes into fortune cookies, I don't think many would have thought of making the cookies, or even the slips of paper as dark as the messages that they contain. So kudos to these guys!
And yes, here are some of the messages I liked the best.
Jing Jing's misfortune: "Judging by your karma, you must have done something really bad in a previous life."

Cheryl's misfortune: "There's a list of people who have better luck than you - It's called a phone book."
Yanliang's misfortune: "There's a list of people who have better luck than you - It's called a phone book."

And also a special mention to Yi Han because she was obviously having a good hair day, in spite of rain following her everywhere she goes.
Okay and now I have come to the end of my post. Sorry I couldn't fit all of you guys into the post, but the rest of the pictures can be found here (I will embed the album soon). Also I would have loved to have given out more cookies (one of the rare times when I felt generous), but I ran out! 

Oh and yes, let me round up this post with my misfortune.
"Feel free to waste the day away. It makes no difference in your case." #truth.

I'd like to thank Pechkeks for sending me the boxes of Misfortune Cookies to review. It was awesome! Anyway, if you'd like to get a box for yourself, you can visit their online shop here. You can also like them on Facebook to follow their latest updates!

And now a brutally honest song to wrap up this post.



And as the people at Pechkeks signed off...
All the terrible best,
☠ Jac.

*I hope you noticed that I changed the heart in my sign off to a skull and crossbones.

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3 comments

  1. You are a cutie... sorry couldn't help my self good day

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  2. You're A Cutie/Hottie, sorry couldn't help myself. You're blogdpots awesome 😍👍

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha thanks for your support! I'm glad you enjoy reading my blog! :)

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