Monday, June 01, 2015

How To Date But Not Attract Women.

Hello guys! I guess you know that I'm one of the most rational and level-headed people around. So when I say something is ridiculous, ...

Hello guys!

I guess you know that I'm one of the most rational and level-headed people around. So when I say something is ridiculous, you must believe me. So here you can assume that Titus was being an idiot and deserved getting whacked by a big stick.

Because of my consistently sound judgement, of course.

But let's talk about other things for a moment. You see, the other day, I was busy solving a few of the many issues affecting the world today including but not limited to the Rohingya refugees, the Syrian Civil War, and what I should eat for dinner today, when my good friend interrupted me...
And you know what I hate most in the world aside from dealing with stupid people, and running out of Coke Light? Douchey people. Take a look.

ISN'T THIS HORRIFYING?! Yeah and I know you must be in kind of a state of shock and you're not sure of what exactly is wrong with this video. But it's okay. Jac and her elevated levels of mental prowess has already distilled the essence of what makes this video so fantastically wrong. Let me break it down for you.

#1. The posture.

So let's just pretend for a moment that I'm a psychopath who is on the verge of embarking on a violent rampage. Yes, I know it's very difficult for you to imagine that my demure and gentle self could even come close to being a maniac. But that's what the Singapore education system is here for right? To instill creativity and encourage you to think out of the box.

Yes. So I'm a theoretical budding psychopath with secretly violent tendencies. Would I go around waving a dagger over my head? NO! Because that would draw attention to me, which would be most unwise. I'd get thrown into jail before I even get the opportunity to hurt anyone. So what would I do? I would hide my hands (and my weapon) in my pockets like the guy in the background here.
(Person of Interest - Season 2 Episode 9, C.O.D.)

Which is what one British politician Nick Clegg did. Good looking fellow, very smart guy whose fluent in five languages.
(Via GOV,UK).

But now he's no longer in office. He came in last in The Guardians' assessment of the body language used by British political leaders. I'm no expert in British politics but I assume that one of the reasons he came in last in the assessment and eventually lost his spot in office is because he talked with his hands in his pockets.
And everyone knows what a bad idea talking with your hands in your pockets is. But don't take it from me, take it from Forbes article "Great Leaders Talk With Their Hands".
Anyway, back to this guy.
The guy looks sketchy right? Of course he does. You know why? Because he insisted on spending the whole entire video with his hand stuck in his pocket whilst standing in some awkward slouchy stance. 

Don't believe me? Rewatch the video. The hand never leaves the pocket. And you really don't want to take dating advice from a guy whose actions mimic dating disaster Raj Koothrappali from the Big Bang Theory.
(The Big Bang Theory - Season 7 Episode 1, The Hofstadter Insufficiency).

#2. The way he speaks.

Okay. I understand that not everyone has the commanding voice of James Earl Jones, or the crisp radio-quality voice of Ryan Seacrest. Why, I made an entire instructional video using nothing but written subtitles because I know that my voice is waaay too sharp and shrill for camera.

Yeah. Sorry to disappoint. I'm not perfect. That's really why people keep buying me shirts along this theme whenever they go to Thailand.
(Thanks goes to Darren, Michelle, and James!)

But I digress. Back to the point. If you know you can't speak well, please get some one to speak on your behalf. According to dating guru Barney Stinson, you should always get a guy to do things for you.
Yes so, if your words come out like your mouth is full of marbles, then I suggest that you consider not speaking for yourself. You can stage a "natural" conversation with someone, get a narrator, get your voice dubbed, etc. Don't try to speak like someone you're not. It really shows. And it's really not the way to go when you're trying to sell something. Especially since it's a dating consultancy where you know, you're supposed to sell yourself with your words, and how he presented his words just put me off. Because presentation really matters you know?

As my wonderful friend JX put it...
"If this guy is supposed to teach me how to speak confidently, I'd rather not..."

#3. The woman.

So you notice that for the entirety of the video, there is this woman who is standing next to our dating expert. She's not doing anything. Not moving, not speaking. Why, even her facial expression doesn't change.
A few possible conclusions can be drawn from this.
  1. Woman is a mannequin and that's why she can't move. But that would also imply that the dating expert is just trying too hard to give himself some street cred.
  2. Woman is extremely honoured to be part of this video and is petrified with excitement. 
  3. Dating expert is under the impression that women should be seen and not heard and so using this woman as an inanimate prop is totally fine in his books.
In any case, if you guys think that the kind of girl you want to spend your life with should be nothing more than a pretty face, by all means, sign up for his course. I won't judge you of course. To each his own. I just think that it's so strange that a company called "ModernMan Academy" subscribes to such an archaic principle. Which by the way, was condemned even by the Spartans back in 490 BC.

Leonidas: You insult my queen.You threaten my people with slavery and death! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same.
Persian messenger: This is blasphemy! This is madness!
Leonidas: Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!
Yes. But maybe I'm just bitter because a pretty face and a silent demeanour are two things that I clearly lack.

IN CONCLUSION, I think that this dude from ModernMan has neither the charisma required of a dating coach, nor does he have the body of a hot guy which will naturally make girls fawn all over him. So really, guys, if you're looking for dating advice, I suggest you start looking somewhere like COSMOPOLITAN. Just take a look at some of the cover stories!

"Where are all the single men? We found them!", "One thing you must never do with a guy", and "Go from worst date to happily ever after!" Seriously guys, these three issues will tell you where girls will go and look for you, what you should never ever do with them, and corrective action you should take to save your date! Why spend approximately $1000 or more to get some guy to teach you how to act when you can spend $5 to buy a copy of Cosmopolitan. Why, if you're lucky you might even get some beauty samples to go along with it.
Also I had a further point that I was monitoring the number of "Likes" on the video for the longest time (I procrastinate ok?) and noticed that there were 27 dislikes and 0 likes.
Which was reasonable. But the number of likes inexplicably shot up to 70 overnight I think, 2 days ago maybe? How strange.
(Via Imgur).

Yeah but who knows. I may be wrong. Apparantly there are people out there who owe the academy their lives.
"Without this course and Gate's coaching, I would still be miserable and alone every weekend, with my old social circle of friends that got me nowhere. If you are thinking about doing something in your life, this is it. Gate, my bro… I owe you for life."
Man, I would hate to be your "old social circle of friends". Just curious. Did you get them anywhere? Or did you just decide to bitch about them on some website?
(Via Imgur).

Okay anyway! I would now like to leave you with this very good song which I guess is what you'd be if you believe in this ModernMan video.

Have a good rest of the week guys!
❤ Jac.

You Might Also Like