Friday, January 16, 2015

Jac's New Year Resolutions.

Hello guys! As many of you can probably tell, it's 2015! And how many of you suckers fell for that so-called tradition of setting new ...

Hello guys!

As many of you can probably tell, it's 2015! And how many of you suckers fell for that so-called tradition of setting new year resoltuions and all that jazz? Come on, be honest. I won't tell.

(Via RYOT).

But that's mainly because I can't see your responses either.

So, towards the end of 2014, my Facebook feed got flooded with lists upon lists of impractical resolutions for 2015. Very typical. Very boring. Some were rather stupid IMHO. And I was thinking that I should place bets on how long each resolution would last. But then I wouldn't be able to win any money because clearly, I have no friends to place bets with.
Anyhow, I came up with my own special set of resolutions for 2015. Things that I really should strive towards doing. Things that I should aspire to become. Things that I should work towards. Bad habits to kick, good habits to be cultivated, blah blah blah, You know the drill. And then, see how long I would take to break each one. And I've broken every one on the list. So presenting....

#1. Sleep before 12 am on work nights.

If you recall from my entry on "Observations from Having Poor Sleeping Habits.", I mentioned that I sleep really late at night.
So I thought that it would be nice if I would be able to force myself to sleep before 12 on all work nights. You know, so that I actually can say that I sleep at night. Because anything after 12 am is technically morning.

Well, New Year's Day was on a Thursday. The first work day of 2015 was on a Friday. What time did I sleep the night before I went to work? 3am. Why? I was bitching about Apple products with my friend.
And also doing some online shopping on ThinkGeek because there was a code for an additional 25% discount off sales items *rubs hands in glee*. Here's the coolest thing I got - a USB Rechargeable Electric Lighter aka SLIGHTER. 
(Via ThinkGeek).

I have yet to decide what I will use this slighter for. Maybe I'll use it to light the 21 candles on my birthday cake this year. Maybe I'll keep it on my person to burn away fraying clothes edges that have the tendency to pop up at the most unexpected and inconvenient of times. Or maybe I will use it to start the fire that will burn down my enemies' houses. Who knows? The future is offering my slighter an endless realm of possibilities.
(Via Imgur).

So yes. Resolution broken within 27 hours.

#2. Get at least 8 hours of sleep everyday.

So all of you know that well, I'm very strong. This means to say I don't require lots of sleep.

But I've heard that getting eight hours of sleep per day can do wonders for your physical and mental well-being. Even though I feel that if this were to be true, and I did get eight hours of sleep per day, I'd have an unfair advantage over all of you in life.

So, I got home from my New Year celebrations at around 5 am? Went to sleep and got up at 10 am. It's not my fault. I really can't sleep that much when I'm not under the influence of alcohol, bacteria or viruses. Like earlier this week I was down with a respiratory tract infection and a 39 degree fever. I was unable to do anything apart from eating and sleeping. In fact, I was only awake for 4 hours on Monday (yes, that sick). That night, I fell asleep at 11:30 pm and woke up only 12 hours later. With like this, dull ache in my ribs. Why? I slept so much that my ribs hurt. That's a first.
(Via quickmeme).

Anyway, resolution broken on New Year's Day itself.

#3. Stop drinking Coke Light.

Yeah. Coke Light is bad for health. I'm not stupid, I have brains. I know. Just like how smokers know that smoking might cause lung cancer, and how F1 drivers know that their chosen career might kill them. But will that stop smokers from smoking or F1 drivers to stop racing? Nah.
(Via Mike Wallis).

But I put this down as a resolution anyway. Broken within the hour. And yes. I did just compare myself to a Formula One driver.

#4. Quit snacking.

James Bond has women. Daredevil has noise. Superman has kryptonite. 
(Via Gallery Hip).

And Jac has snacks.
And it didn't help that I went for a party to celebrate the New Year. So yeah. Killed this resolution within the hour I reckon.

And yes I know, I did compare myself to Superman. But in my defence, I was dressed the part when I killed my "quit snacking" resolution.

#5. Reply to all your WhatsApp group chats.

So I'm part of numerous group chats, all of which I participate minimally in. It's not because I'm anti-social, but it's more because I feel that I'm not much of a conversationalist so I don't really have much to add to the conversation in terms of wit and humour. So most of the time, things like this happen...
So I thought that making it a point to be more active in my WhatsApp group chats would be a good way to start the new year. Yeah right. I failed the moment 2014 turned into 2015 when everyone started spamming all the group chats with "Happy New Year" greetings. I know, I was being rather rude by not responding. Let me try to make amends  right now.
(Via someecards).

Broken just one second into the new year. But to be fair to me, I did reply to those people who bothered to personalise the messages. Which brings me to the next point...

#6. Stop cursing.

Oh this was a beauty.
Broken 7 minutes into 2015.

#7. Stop adding stuff to your online carts.

You know what's better than window shopping? Online window shopping. There's only so much window shopping you can do in physical stores because you are limited by the number of items that your brain can take down in a mental list. But online, everything can be saved into your shopping cart. Here are some of the items in my online shopping carts right now!
Yes. These items span across Amazon, ThnkGeek, UrbanOutfitters and Etsy. Just 4 out of the 2, 827, 387 sites that I frequent. Don't want to scare you or anything.

Anyway, adding stuff to online shopping carts is addictive. But I managed to hold this off for about 24 hours. Because I only scour my online shopping sites at night after they are updated with new stuff. Sigh. What is life.

#8. Channing Tatum is not your husband. Deal with it.

Sigh. 5 January 2015.

#9. Be cool always.

I thought I was doing pretty well until I saw this shirt collection on ThinkGeek.
Then I decided I had to learn how to read Binary code.
Sigh. End of my coolness. 13 January 2015.

#10. Be polite to stupid people.

A few weeks ago, there was this guy who cut me off mid-sentence to shout, "JAC, WHA'TS WRONG WITH YOU AH? YOU ARE LIKE DAMN FAT LOR. I MEAN LIKE, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU I AM GENUINELY CONCERNED."
(Via Quick Meme).

Firstly, it's rude to interrupt. Secondly, it's rude to shout at people. Thirdly, I was giving you phone advice, helping you, if you rather. I don't know who died and made you King, but whatever you did, does not go down well with anyone at all. Fourthly, you call me fat? Okay I know I'm not the hottest person in the world la but SERIOUSLY?! It's assholes like you who perpetuate eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia in society ok. Fucker.

Anyway, I happened to run into this idiot at the party I was at and he tried to apologise. Because his girlfriend told him to.
"Jac, I am sorry you think I offended you."
"Jac, to be fair, I did not call you fat, I said you put on weight."
"Jac, I am sorry you misunderstood the intention behind my words."
(Via Buzzfeed).

Someone grab a steak knife because I don't think scapels are strong enough to cut through this thick skull for that brain transplant surgery that he's long overdue for. I was so angry.

Anyway, I said, "FUCK YOU!" and walked off.
(Via Tumblr).

So, this resolution was broken about 2 hours into the new year.
*The guy's girlfriend has since mediated the situation.

Okay. I hope all of you now feel better about the new year resolutions that you have made for yourselves! Aren't you proud of your own self-control and will-power? I have that morale boosting effect on people, I know. Anyway, I'd like to leave you with this good song by Maroon 5.

TGIF guys!
❤ Jac.

You Might Also Like