Saturday, December 20, 2014

10 Seemingly Vulgar Curse Words.

Hello everyone! So, you might have heard. I have the unfortunate tendency of making very bad life decisions. Here are some of them. Yea...

Hello everyone!

So, you might have heard. I have the unfortunate tendency of making very bad life decisions. Here are some of them.

Yeah. I don't make many good decisions under the influence of alcohol. I also am bad with faces so you know, this might not be what they actually look like.

Anyway, I have a friend (let's call him Bill, after Bill Murray from the original Ghost Busters) whom I pour all my problems and bad life decisions to on a regular basis. Actually come to think of it, that may be my entire life. But that's ok. You know what they say.
(Via Hip Hop Wired).
They say what don't kill me, can make me stronger.
So two drinks a night, should help me live longer.
Yeah this is sadly my philosophy when it comes to life. Anyway, back to my point. I know when I am making bad decisions. So sometimes And so is Bill. But because Bill is aware that giving me advice is a lost cause, he has resorted to using seemingly vulgar words on me when I make announcements on any impending life crises.

So, just in case you too, would like to gently reprimand your friend and remind him/her about things that he/she should not be doing without being too preachy, here are some seemingly vulgar curse words that you can use.

#1 Chicken Backside.

So here's a useful non-vulgar insult. I mean sure it's an insult. Because why on earth would you want to be a chicken? Most of the time, they look like this.

Which is not very appealing to begin with. So that's qutie insulting. And you add a "backside" to it and everything seems that much more worse. But you know, its still not vulgar or anything because, chicken backsides are actually quite cute. Just look at them!
(Via Angelnina).

Totally #adorbs.

#2 Mojo Jojo.

Have you watched The Powerpuff Girls? I'm sure you have. Don't lie. I mean, it's one of the most brainless shows around but everyone has watched it at least once in their lives. I attibute girls with squeaky and annoying voices to their possible childhood addiction to The Powerpuff Girls.

Anyway, just in case you have selective memory, the villain in The Powerpuff Girls is Mojo Jojo. This is a picture of Mojo Jojo.

So he's ugly, always fails, and is from a cartoon which promotes bad pronounciation and baby talk. But, he's family friendly fun and is technically a super intelligent chimpanzee who can speak and build super computers. So it's not all that bad. I think. Anyway, insulting but not so - "Mojo Jojo".

#3 Asshat.

This one is one of my favourites. It was the first non-vulgar vulgarity that was used on me!
I didnt know what asshat really meant. So I googled and found out that it mean "a stupid person". Okay, I can accept that. I do not deny the fact that my brain ceases to function at the most critical of moments. Like when I'm doing some online shopping, Or ordering drinks. Or deciding whether I should watch the next episode of Bones or go to sleep at 3 am in the moning. Sigh.

The photos I got however, were quite cute. Here's one of them.
(Via Buzznet).

Here's another.

My friend calling me an asshat has however, made me reevaluate many compliments that I have received over the past year. 
(Via someecards).

Oh well.

#4 Baluku.

So "baluku" is Singlish for the word "bump". It comes from the Malay word for a fruit called Buah Duku. Which looks like this.
(OMG I'm now very excited because I have just realised that I may have eaten Buah Duku/Baluku in Brunei!!! Via Everything About Science).

Anyway, you're calling me a bruise. Which is not a good thing because balukus hurt and sometimes you can look like a victim of domestic violence once the bruising starts to show up. But the fruit is really kind of tasty. So who cares?!
(There are Buah Dukus on the table. I promise.)

#5 Boob.

Well, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. But no, I am not asking you to call someone a pair of mammary glands. I'm saying that you can call them a "boob" as per the Google definition of it.
It's quite a funny sounding insult if you ask me. I don't think I would be able to keep a straight face is someone called me a boob. Even if I know I'm being called a stupid person. All I would be able to think of are a pair of these.

#6 Nincompoop.

Is your name "Nicholas"? It is? Well, then I'm sorry to tell you that the word "Nincompoop" originates from your name.
Sorry Nicholas-es of the world. But you may now need to work twice as hard to prove that you are not a foolish or stupid person. 

And to non-Nicholas-es, HOW FUNNY IS THIS TERM?! HAHAHA. Can you say it without wondering what an inefficient insult this is? I mean, There are three syllables and it's not even half as offensive as the word "Fuck". Goodness knows what the point of the word is. Maybe an olden day Nicholas was really really stupid or something. Meanwhile...

#7 Stupiak.

Okay so I would have never thought of this word by myself of course. I had help. But only after I did something stupid as usual. 
Ridiculous. Also for those of you who dhon't know how retarded a word stupiak is, please watch this video. I promise it's funny. I recommend you watch it from the start. But if you just want the definition of stupiak, I have cut it to the correct timing.

#8 Fruit cake.

Yes yes I know what you're thinking. Christmas is around the corner and a fruit cake is in order.

But the fruit cake I'm referring to is the one which means "an eccentric or mad person". Which is quite funny because it's like you're going around calling someone a piece of something delicious.
(Via Doodle Dug).

Although I wouldn't exactly call it the most delicious cake in the world. Because that would be chocolate. I must find a cake with Baileys and Kahlua in it. And then that chocolate Baileys Kahlua cake would be the best cake in the world. But then that sounds fattening. I think I will just stick to vodka and Coke Light.
Welcome to my brain.

#9 Bugger.

So we all know that bugger is what the British use when they are unhappy. And for that reason, the word "bugger" can't be very vulgar at all. Because the British accent is good and I also spent half my teenage years idolising Spike from Buffy The Vamire Slayer.
(Via Pinterest).

And I spent the other half planning our wedding. Which did not happen. Oh well.

#10 ES&D.

Sigh. This one is good because it's an acronym. And no one loves acronyms more than Singaporeans. Let me give you an example of how prolifically we can use acronyms.
I am going to take the AYE then ECP to MBS to watch the NDP fireworks. Then I will take the MRT to AMK to eat KFC with my BFF. Then we will go to PS to watch a movie at GV. 
Did that make sense to you? If it did, hello my fellow countryman.
(Via TODAY Online).

So anyway, back to the part on acronyms. Now, Bill and I use "ES&D" all the time. In fact, now whenever I am going to do something retarded, I go...
Sigh. Me and my wonderful life decisions.

Anyway, I hope you have found this useful and now you are equipped with a small arsenal of nice non-offensive words to use on your friends or yourself. Meanwhile, I would like to leave you with this wonderful song. You know, since #acronyms.

Happy Saturday!
❤ Jac.

PS: Meanwhile I would like to thank Bill for hearing me out always and providing good advice if needed. Don't need to acknowledge. It will get awkward.

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