Sunday, April 27, 2014

#ICant

Hello! So I recently started watching this show called " Girl Code ". Yes. It's this show by MTV featuring a bunch of Am...

Hello!

So I recently started watching this show called "Girl Code".

Yes. It's this show by MTV featuring a bunch of American girls giving their very candid and frank opinions on life. Like so.


I guess you can kinda see why I like this show. The girls are very logical and give sound advice. They also hand out very realistic philosophies of life. For example, this is what silly inspiration, self-help blogs say about taking breaks from relationships.

Like seriously. I am sorry old and supposedly wise philosophers, but I have to disagree with you. Like Mr Khalil Gibran, DUDE. "Let it be a moving sea between the shores of your souls"?! Are you insane? When it comes to relationships most people are as buoyant as boulders. They sink and drown. Period.
(Via Cheezburger).

The others are like the Titanic. They float pretty well at first, and then they crash into the inevitable iceberg of relationship doom, and the once happy couple sink to the frozen ocean of despair with fragments of their relationship wreck floating around them.
(Via someecards).

To me, taking a break is another way of saying, "I am too chicken to break up with you now, so this is me saying we can wait for a bit before letting nature run it's course because out of sight, out of mind." AND GIRL CODE CONCURS!
So anyway! There's this segment in Girl Code called #ICant. And it's a brilliant snippet where the girls share things that they cannot stand. Like how Nicole does here.



Makes sense right?! You grasp and agree with the notion while being entertained at the same time. Not like those lectures you used to go for in school where some concept supposedly makes sense, but you don't get it and you try not to drown in boredom at the same time. Oh my god.

Anyway, here's a list of things that

1. Clear Plastic Flatforms

So I saw this woman on the MRT a while back, and this is what her shoes looked like.
Seriously. What are these okay? I was so confused. Why was she wearing these? Did the soles of her flats suddenly detach such that she had to make do with some plastic containers from IKEA? But then again, walking barefoot would be better than walking in these.

I CAN'T. Clear containers should only be used for one purpose - to store consumables. Like so.
I Googled ok. And you know what related terms showed up together with "clear plastic flatforms" and "transparent plastic flatforms"? Alien dress up ideas. Like this Pinterest board for example.
And seriously, its not like you're an alien right? Because if you're an alien I would totally understand why you would nee to wear clear flatforms around. Because you know, they are a means to carry your alien spawn around and I am all for good parenting.
(Via Y-R-U).

Yes. Clear plastic flatforms. They are hideous. #ICANT.

2. Instagrams with long descriptions

Okay so let me explain why I can't stand this.
(Via PandaWhale).

So going by this logic, I am on Instagram because I want to look at pretty photos without having to use my brain. But then, this happens.
Okay I admit that it doesn't look so bad on a computer screen. But when I'm on my phone, do you know how much I have to scroll just to move past that humongous chunk of text?!! It's annoying! And it's not like anyone reads it anyway.

Also, I am on Instagram to look at pictures, which are already worth a thousand words! Why are you adding another thousand words to that?!!! Seriously man. #ICANT, I JUST CANT.
(Via Quick Meme).

Yes. And I know a solution is to unfollow these accounts which constantly post stuff like this. But this account @naughtygirlseatclean posts nice photos of food and also of hot girls. I quite like photos of food and also hot girls. It's a dilemma man. A first world problem.

3. People tagging me in photos which do not have me inside
(Via Rottenecards).

Here's how tagging works. You take a picture of someone, and then you upload it onto Facebook, and then you click on their face and you label, or "tag" the person whose face it is. You select the person's name. Because this is a photo, of that person. And that will allow that person to have a nice collection of photos of him or herself on Facebook.
Then, there are some idiots. Who tag me in photos that are not of me. Like there was this girl who kept insisting on tagging me in photos of clothes that she was trying to sell on her blog. The clothes looked something like this, but 50 times uglier. These are not ugly. Just not my style.


(Via Groupon).

Anyway, FIRSTLY. Those are not pictures of me. Why are you tagging me in them?! Do you want me to buy these clothes? Because I wouldn't. They have ruffles and frills, and looks like the mutated offspring of a cupcake and a bag of glitter and feathers. NO. #ICANT.

(Via someecards).

Also, by tagging me in these photos, you have effectively included a photo which is not of me in my photoset on Facebook. This does not make me happy. When I click "Photos of Me" on Facebook, I expect to see, well, photos of me. Not photos of random girls who do not even look like me. #ICANT.
(Via Meme Crunch).

So what do I do? I untag myself and boycott your online store. If you can't even be bothered to ask me personally to check your online store out, then I advise you to go and get paid advertising like everyone else. It may be what your online store needs ok. But tagging me in your photos....ohmygod #ICANT.

4. Starting a story and stopping halfway

People who tell me something and stop midway, #ICANT. It usually goes something like this.
Friend, "Omg I need to tell you something! Oh wait, nevermind."
Me, "What what!"
Friend, "Nevermind not important!"
OMG, what could have possibly happened during the last few seconds which made the story go from totally essential to unimportant?! I feel cheated! I emotionally invested my excitement into a potential juicy story/gossip/bitching session and you don't even let me know what it's about?!!! How's that supposed to work?! When you do that to me, I feel like pushing you into a hot pool of lava and then stand gloating as I watch from a safe distance above.

Like so.
Oops. I mean like so.

Yes. Because when you want to give me a story, I expect to hear a story. This is the conversational equivalent of the pangseh ok. #ICANT.

5. People who touch my phone

People who touch my phone, #ICANT. Do you know what my phone means to me? Let me give you a hint. It involves a ring, an obsessed, deranged psychopath, and a giant volcano of doom.
(Via Quick Meme).

Please note in this analogy, the ring is my phone, gollum is me, and the volcano of doom is where I want to This-Is-Sparta people who touch my phone into.
(Via GIFBAY).

My phone is the apple of my eye. My quantum of solace in a crowded room. The make-belief sword which I use to stab people I hate in my imagination. I don't care how much you earn, how handsome you are, or how senile you may act.
(Via imgur).

People who touch my phone, #ICANT.
(For an interesting story and some nicer memes of a guy who one touched my phone, please click here).

So anyway, what you have just read is basically steps on how you can make my life a living hell. So if you're hoping to die young, you know what to do! Oh and speaking of how relevant Girl Code is to my life, I would like to say that I am going to watch the Liverpool vs Chelsea match with my boyfriend today.

Sigh.  But on a more serious note, Girl Code is a really awesome show and I advise all of you to watch it. Jonathan the trickster was actually the one who introduced it to me. And now I will leave you with a video from my friend Tim.



And also a video from Shakira because you know, I must prep myself for soccer today.



Have a good Sunday!
❤ Jac.

For more posts on things that Jac can't stand...


You Might Also Like

0 comments