Friday, August 30, 2013

The Alcoholic's Shopping List.

Hello! So you guys might have realised that, I'm a bit of a shopper. Look, here is a picture of my most recent delivery! Which, by ...


So you guys might have realised that, I'm a bit of a shopper. Look, here is a picture of my most recent delivery!

Which, by the way, if you have not been following my blog, is really, nothing.
 (Refer to here and here).

Anyway, I have decided that I shouldn't be selfish and keep all the cool stuff that I have to myself. Like this really cool mug that I got for my birthday. As a gift to myself.

Yes, I used it in the celebratory consumption of my favourite drink when my hypothetical chiming clock struck midnight on my birthday. Which is Coke Light, not alcohol. And no, there was no alcohol in my mug labelled "Booze".
Or you know, this meaningful book.

Anyway, I've decided to compile a list of really cool things that alcoholics can purchase. Something like my Halloween list from last year, but you know, catered to alcoholics. I know that many people don't consume alcohol because of health issues, religious reasons, or um, I cannot think of anything else. (I tried Googling but the results on the first page are all health/religion related.) But anyway, to be all-inclusive, I have made sure that this list doesn't specifically contain alcohol. So that all you readers, whether alcohol consuming or not, can partake in the wonderful joys of shopping with Jacqueline and her all-inclusive Alcoholic's Shopping list (you can read it as you listen to this recommended playlist).

So! Here goes!

1. Collapsible Shot Glass

(Via ThinkGeek).

Because "Portability" is in these days. I'm a great supporter of all things portable. Like chargers. As you guys may know, I have quite the collection of portable chargers.
Yes, I have a new one now! In my defence, the new Sony one was a gift for my birthday. One can never have enough chargers (Y). But I digress - portability is in and this is why everyone needs a portable shot glass. Now, you may be thinking,"Jac, you are not so good at shopping after all. The collapsible shot glass on ThinkGeek is $7.99. This is almost double the price of the ones sold on Amazon for $3.99."

Well, as Yoda said,

You see, the one on ThinkGeek comes with a carrying case. I would not want my collapsible shot glass to be scratched. Leather makes it better.
(Via ThinkGeek).

Yes and it's technically a glass. Which is a cup. Which can contain a variety of things from alcohol to jell-o, from candles to cupcakes.

Heck, I think that they can even be used to store IKEA pencils if anyone decides to give a damn and try. (And then let me know okay? I have been wondering about this for the longest time).
(Via Wikipedia).

2. Electric Cocktail Mixer

Are you an aspiring bartender who wants to throw an awesome cocktail party but have issues with jiggling arm fat as you shake up your cocktails? Not to worry. The solution is here!

(Via Amazon).

Just press pour in your ingredients, press a button, and you're good to go! No shaking = No jiggling arms. I like this version because it looks like a conventional shaker. But if you're not picky, you can get this one!
(Via Amazon).

Serving up cocktails has never been easier! And if you're the kind who doesn't consume alcohol, I guess this will work for a variety of other things. You know, like Milo, Coffee, Ribena. (Hey! And if you are alcoholic then you can just add Baileys, Frangelico and Vodka to whatever non-alcoholic mix your friend is consuming! IDEA!)

3. DC Comics Caped Shot Glass
(Via ThinkGeek).

I've mentioned these shot glasses in my Halloween 2012 post and I still think that they are winners. Hello? Capes make everything better. Take Superman for example.

With his cape, Superman looks like, well, SUPERMAN!
 (Via Book My Show). 

And without his cape, Superman looks like a poser. He doesn't even look like he's flying. (Don't blame my Photoshop skills okay, it is really his cape that makes him look good).
And this is why you must buy these shot glasses. Case closed.

4. Flask Tie

So you're frustrated at work but you can't stab your client, murder your boss and you don't mind jumping out of the window but damn these new-fangled buildings with their wall-to-ceiling windows. You can technically rip up all your reports and throw coffee at your laptop but the consequences don't quite cut it. AND YOU CAN'T DRINK ALCOHOL AT WORK. Damn professionalism! But no fear, the answer is here. (Omg that rhymes). Presenting... the FLASK TIE!!
(Via Flask Tie).
Just load up and suit up! (Wow! I should do some copywriting for them).

(Via Amazon).

Look! Now you can meet clients and talk to your boss with a ridiculously happy grin on your face! Promotion, here you come!

5. Wedding Ring Shot Glass

Now, from what I understand, getting married can be terrifying. I understand this based on second hand experience of course - I have never been married. I also understand, that alcohol can relieve bad cases of nerves. Also from second hand experience too of course - I am not a drinker.

So here's an unconventional solution to ease those pre-wedding jitters and to prevent you from becoming the next Julia Roberts à la Runaway Bride.

Now it's a ring,

And now it's a device which will save you from losing your $125,000 HDB deposit! Isn't it brilliant?!!

And because it's SO BIG, everyone will be so envious of you. As in the rock on your finger. I do not know what you might have mistaken "it" for. Anyway, they even come in packs of 12. You know, in case you lose one. Or two. Or eleven.

6. Shot Glass Checkers Set
(Via Amazon).

Here's an interesting concept for a drinking game. Catered to that intellectual snob in you. You know, the one who looks down on red plastic beer cups and drinking games such as Cai Quan, Beer Goggles and Kings' Cup. Looks like it can be lethal though. Very good.

But if checkers is not really your game then perhaps Roulette would be more up to your speed.
(Via Amazon).

Works also with water, carbonated drinks, and fruit juice.

7. Shot Glass USB

Because everything's better with USB storage. Like this Swiss Army Knife.
(Via Victorinox).

And this bottle opener.
(Via ThinkGeek).

And this revolutionary Shot Glass USB drive!
(Via Ali Spagnola).

This multifunctional gadget on a lanyard comes pre-loaded with 60 one-minute songs so that you drink one shot per minute for 60 minutes. You see? Drinking game, shot glass, music, necklace AND USB storage all in one. Value for money!

As Trend Hunter so aptly put it:
"The Shot Glass USB Holds 1 Gigabyte of Data and 2 Ounces of Alcohol."
Now who wouldn't want that?

8. Winestein

Do you remember this episode of The Big Bang Theory (which is the greatest comedy ever to be shown) where Penny said, "Yup, that's good. Wine glasses should have handles." No? Well, here you go.

Now look! Wine glasses can come with handles!
(Via Fred Flare).

Yeah I realise that you can drink wine in a mug but apparently, some people have told me that mugs are for hot drinks like coffee and Milo. Water goes into glasses, champagne goes into champagne flutes and wine goes into wine glasses. Well, problem solved!

On a related note, you might want to check out the Fred Flare's Hopside Down Glass as well. You know, if you aren't really the mug sort and you want to pretend that your Ice Lemon Tea is really Heineken (don't we all?). Also, free shipping from Amazon to Singapore to purchases above $125! Don't accuse me of not sharing!
(Via Amazon).

9. Cheers Projector Glass

Because everyone needs at least one trashy item in their possession. Mine is that boyfriend I once had this FBI uniform which I got for a party a while back.

Yeah, the uniform is very versatile. You can wear it in either fashion - kid friendly or slut. But if you're the kind who doesn't really want to spend money on frivolous outfits for parties then, may I suggest that you invest in one of these.
(Via Find Me A Gift).

So this will look like an ordinary drinking glass, but you know, if you want to trash things up, just flip the switch and TADAH! FLASHING GLASS AND PARTY DISCO IN THE HOUSE. And you can even project "CHEERS!" onto the wall for extra effect. Puts the trash in trashy. But you know, if projectors and glasses aren't your thing then maybe this cocktail shaker and pint glass is better for you.

10. "There's a chance this could be Vodka" bottle

(Via Zazzle).
"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Hope is the dream of a waking man."
- Aristotle 
Hope will never be silent.
- Harvey Milk
(Via Wikipedia).

Blah blah bah. You get the idea. Hope is good, buy this bottle.

11. Poster Print Mixing Guides

So you're an aspiring bartender with a memory problem, You want to mix up some drinks for your friends but damn it! You can't remember the composition of each drink. NOT TO FEAR.

(Via Amazon here and here).

You can pretend it's part of your alcoholic bar decor. But secretly you know that it's your go-to-guide for drinks.

An alternative of course would be this Mix Master Cocktail Shaker. But you know, kind hard to read the instructions while you're shaking the shaker. But, whatever floats your boat man.

12. Wine and Beverage Totes

"The BPA-free, recyclable, and washable liner blocks UV rays to insure the longevity of the contents, even when you're catching rays on the beach, hitting the trails, or picnicking in the park on a sunny day. Unlike bottles, thermoses, or canteens, these totes can roll or fold up when they're not in use, making them ideal for day-trippers, campers, bikers, and backpackers. Style, function, portability, and charm all in one design? We'll drink to that! Assembled by hand in the USA.

Read the description. For the hippie in all of us.

13. Sunscreen Flask

PLEASE. I don't even know when I would use this Sunscreen Flask but I already want it. Maybe I will need it to sneak alcohol into Wavehouse or ZoukOut? Yes. Sneaking alcohol into ZoukOut. That's what I'll use it for. Damn these novelty items with their oh-so-practical uses.

14. Beer Soap

Have you ever wished that you could wake up smelling like last night's alcohol? No? Then perhaps you wish that you were able to fool your friends into thinking that you've drunk a lot before meeting them. I KNOW I HAVE. So anyway, here's the solution to both of problems.

The Beer Soap Company on Etsy allows you to "Lather with your Lager" with soaps made from all natural ingredients (including beer). They have a wide range of about 120+ soaps so you can choose to smell from anything like "Weyerbachers Blithering Idiot English Barleywine" to the more common "Heineken" and "Hoegaarden". They don't stock Tiger, but they do have Asian beers like "Asahi", "Sapporo", and "San Miguel"!

But you know, their products are promoted as "Handmade Soap Gifts for Men" so if you're a girl looking to smell of a girly alcoholic drink/ against male marketed products, then I'd recommend that you buy something from (MALIN+GOETZ) Mojito range.

Girly drinks smell better anyway. Just like how girls smell better than guys.

15. Reef "Fanning" Slippers
(Via Reef).

"Jac, what's the deal with you asking me to buy such unfashionable slippers?" Well, firstly, they are Mick Fanning's signature footwear. (Yeah, okay, I admit that I had to Google him). And secondly, these babies have a contoured compression molded EVA footbed with anatomical arch support (whatever that means). But thirdly, they come with hidden bottle openers to open you know, bottled drinks. Like Bundaberg root beer.
Kinda handy if you're having a beach party. And they have sizes for both guys and girls!

16. Thirst Extinguisher Drink Jug

It's called the Thirst Extinguisher and can hold up to 1.5 litres of fluid! I guess it can be multifunctional. If you fill it up with water it can actually extinguish fires in addition to quenching your thirst. Although I suspect this fire extinguishing thing wouldn't work as well if you were to fill it up with alcohol.

And thus ends my shopping list of alcoholic/non-alcoholic recommendations! I still have a lot of things in mind of course but you know, 16 (actually I thought there were 15, and I had to relabel the numbers. No I was not drinking/drunk as I wrote this) items is already a very extensive list. So maybe you should work on buying those things first. But in case you have too much money...
And now I have come to the end of my extremely image laden post. Some of you may question why I even bothered to put up such a frivolous post on alcohol when clearly I don't even drink that much. Well...

(Via someecards).

TGIF! Cheers and bottoms up to a great weekend!
❤ Jac

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