Monday, March 04, 2013

Talking on the Phone.

Hello! So I was talking to a really good friend of mine on the phone today. As you know, both of us are going through our quarter-life cri...


So I was talking to a really good friend of mine on the phone today. As you know, both of us are going through our quarter-life crisis now, what with not meeting each other for the past 10 days and all. You probably have seen her on my blog before. And Facebook. And Twitter. And Instagram.

(Background: Nessie and I usually meet each other a few times a week, dependent on the weather, the amount of sleep we have, and how badly we need to bitch, which is correlated to how irritating the people around us are.)

In the middle of our very deep and intense conversation on people who interfere with our life long goals of being constantly young, rich and fabulous philosophy, anthropology, and arachnology (I'm not kidding btw, we had a 3 minute conversation on the spider in my room, which now resides in the lairs of the Vacuumus Cleanarius of Kitchenia), we realised that HEY! We haven't talked on the phone in a while. With anyone.

Because really, Whatsapp, Twitter, FB messenger, and SMS-ing (only if you're using M1 your signal is really crappy) works just fine when it comes to communicating a message from one person to another. So apart from some mandatory instances which I will now list out, calling your friend on the phone is no longer the "in" thing to do. Because you know, it's common knowledge that phones are for there for you to carry out all sorts of activities from e-banking to candy crushing, to serve all purposes except for, God Forbid, making a phone call.

1. You Are Meeting Your Friend.
(Via Instapop).

Except it's not always that you want to be earlier than the person you're meeting. Or you know, you're late and said person has gone shopping in Forever 21 and you can't locate her because seriously, who can properly hunt for someone when there are so many distracting pieces of clothing around?!!

You can whatsapp your friend of course. But just in case you want to convey a sense of urgency, you can make a phone call. The call should last no more than a minute. Your conversation can't last very long. It should go along the lines of:
"Hello! I'm in Forever 21! Where are you?"
"Near the tank tops!"
"Okay I will look go there now. Bye!"
Quick and to the point. Just like a Tweet. Hey, I even managed to keep it within the 140 character limit!
See?! *proud face*

2. You work as a telemarketer.
(Via Cheezburger).

I have a few things to say to you if you're a telemarketer. Firstly, kudos to you for taking up a job where 98% of the people you call over the phone are likely to curse and hang up on you. The remaining 2% of course, are your family members who are not allowed to hate you, and weird old men who are only too pleased that you called and would like to have an extensive chat with you about the weather, politics and what you are wearing today. Hey! You might even get a date out of them if you call on a day that they just so happen to forget their meds. Of course, this date might not go down very well, but you'd never know if you don't try.
(Via DIY LOL).

But I digress. Anyway, the next thing I would like to say to telemarketers is, well done. Because of the very sad and tiresome nature of your job, you have earned the right to make phone calls to other people without being judged. Of course, you might be judged for other reasons such as taking up an occupation which is hated by most phone users, but that's really besides the point. You know, as long as you love your job and feel what you're doing is fulfilling.
(Via Kulfoto).

3. You are in prison and you only get one phone call.
(Via Paul Bayse).

So I don't really know how the law works with respect to people getting imprisoned. I don't know what rights prisoners in Singapore get. But because of the insane amount of cop-related American television I watch (like Prison Break, Castle and Bones), I know that prisoners will get one phone call. It's not one text message. It's one phone call. So I guess if you're in prison, no one will judge you for calling someone to bail you out.

They'd only judge you, maybe, for getting caught.

4. You are in a crisis.
(Via Meme Crunch).

Being in a crisis is terrible and bad, and you hence can use your phone to call anyone you want in an attempt to solve the crisis/ distract yourself from the crisis/ talk about the crisis/ say goodbye to the people who were instrumental in your life because you are going to die in the crisis.

So as I was explaining at the beginning of my post, Nessie and I, are most possibly facing a quarter-life crisis. And may I first clarify that the quarter-life crisis is something very real. You see, there is a Wikipedia page and all. And everyone knows that Wikipedia is the law. But you know, because everything on my blog is objective, here is a picture from Zazzle which shows one of their best sellers - with some text on the quarter-life crisis. Surely the quarter-life crisis must be very real if the shirt is a best seller.
(Via Zazzle).

Anyway, we all know crises can be bitches to handle. They get in your way of living an effortless and frivolous lifestyle. They make you re-evaluate your life decisions and consider all possibilities and options in your impending future, when really, you were happy with your life eadem manent (See? Latin! I'm deep and philosophical. Or dead and uncool. You choose).

So, here's how you can handle your quarter-life crisis. First, do you have a good friend? Yes. Great. Call her. Pour your heart out. And life will be better. But just in case you don't have a Jac/Nessie like figure in your life to call, here are some useful links which may help you to deal with your quarter-life crisis.
And also drink Starbucks. In my 24 years of life, I have learnt that there are two solutions when it comes to life problems - Nessie and Starbucks. HAHA. (Also please, I hope everyone can tell when I am being sarcastic and when I am being serious in my very instructive blogpost.)

ANYHOW! BACK TO MY POINT. I must tell you, using phones to call other people is now a thing of the past, and phone calls must be made with caution and handled delicately. Because really, who knows what kind of awkward scenarios you would be cooking up if like, horror of horrors, you make a phone call without meeting any of the above qualifications.

You have been warned.

So before I leave off, I'd like to share some very good telephone-call-related videos with you. Some from the era appropriate for making telephone calls (Backstreet Boys), and some from the era where making telephone calls would give off the impression where you're this weird stalker person who blurts out "I Love You" on the first date (read: Does a Ted Mosby). Don't get the reference? Here! A clip from Season 1 Episode 1 of How I Met Your Mother. And then the music videos.

So guys! I hope you've learnt something valuable and that you'd think before making your next phone call.

❤ Jac.

(PS: Omg I really hope that my readers can detect sarcasm when they see it).

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