Sunday, February 17, 2013

AWKWARD.

Hello guys! So many of you may know that I really HATE awkward situations. I really HATE them. Like when I watch the lovey-dovey scenes in...

Hello guys!

So many of you may know that I really HATE awkward situations. I really HATE them. Like when I watch the lovey-dovey scenes in movies/ on TV, I try my best to avert my gaze and like look elsewhere because I feel that it's so very awkward for me to be intruding on someone else's private moments. Like this one right here.




OMG, this whole Slutty Pumpkin episode from How I Met Your Mother, IT WAS HELL. I spent most of it squinting through half-closed eyelids and making this very high pitched whine. Like how Sheldon did in The Vartabedian Conundrum, Season 2 Episode 10 of The Big Bang Theory.
You can watch it here. I would have embedded it but you know, I can't figure out how to and YouTube doesn't have this clip. Anyway you only have to watch until the 3 minute 24 second mark, just before the theme song starts. Yes, I suck at watching awkward sequences. And horror scenes. I caught Ah Boys to Men 2 today, and there was this trailer of a horror show and I just sat there with my hands over my ears, my face buried in my shawl and making this constant high-pitched whine, in what I would like to think is an octave above middle C à la Sheldon's imagination.

SPEAKING OF AWKWARD SITUATIONS, I was playing minion to the top dog (Mr. A) of the bubble tea industry. This meant that I had to arrive at the lunch place before he did, and you know, make sure that everything was in order so that he wouldn't have to run into any inconveniences. Like how the minions in Despicable Me function - they run around and fix things to ensure that Gru can carry out his important work.

So when you accompany important people like Mr. A for lunch, you are expected to wait for him at the lobby of the lunch place and usher him to his seat at the table. The walk from the lobby to the table is a short maybe, 200 metre walk. This seems like a very short distance to cover, so you know, I thought that I wouldn't have to say anything much. I wish.

ANYWAY JUST IN CASE, I had prepared some conversation starters to avoid awkward pauses along the way. This was what I had come up with.
"Hello Mr. A, Happy New Year!"
"How was your New Year?"
That's all. You can tell that I'm a wonderful conversationalist. My conversation just, sparkles. As it turned out, this wasn't enough to sustain a 200 metre walk, and Mr. A decided to ask me about the attendees at lunch and also asked me how was my new year which I wasn't prepared to answer because I thought he would just go on about his new year and I would just insert the appropriate "Ohhh"s and "That's nice"s at the correct intervals. GAH. No such luck.

And like the other time we were in this bubble tea mega-complex and there was a shuttle bus take us around. I, as the minion, was the last one to board the bus and the only seat left was the one beside Mr. A. I had to sit with him and talk awkwardly about the mega-complex.
Mr. A, "Oh do you come here often?"
Me, "No not really. But I imagine that you come here quite a lot."
Mr. A,"Oh yes yes. Mostly for work. Sometimes for leisure. They are opening up a new wing soon with lots of shopping."
Me, "That would make it more interesting...blahblahblah"
LONGEST 15 MINUTES OF MY LIFE.

The point is right, that awkward situations are all around and we must all find ways to deal with them. Or avoid them completely. So I have an idea that I would like to recommend so that you may avoid any awkward scenarios which you might face in the future *touch wood*.
<digression>
I bought a necklace that says CHOY! and TOUCH WOOD.
(Via SilverKris).

Hopefully this will ensure that you know, I have good luck for the rest of the year since you know, I did not please the SYG during the CNY peroid.
</digression>

1. LIVE IN ISOLATION FOREVER.

You know what's the cause of all your awkward situations? That's right. Other people. And they make our lives so very uncomfortable, They make us want to die on the spot. Right then, right there. So, to avoid being placed in such situations, the only logical answer is to hide in your room and not do anything. The only time you should leave your house is when you run out of food and the Cold Storage website is down so you can't get some guy to deliver to your house.

And in Cold Storage you must ensure that you use the self-checkout counter to minimise human contact. Of course, this may happen.

And then your day is fucked surely. Because a dum-dum who doesn't know how to use the self-checkout would feel awkward and silly when someone just comes in fronts of you taps one or two buttons and sets everything right again.

Okay and that's all I have for now because as you can tell, I'm not very good at avoiding awkward situations. If you have some suggestions, please share them with me. And if your solutions are workable, I will be forever indebted to you.

Time to go blading!

❤ Jac.

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