Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Being Superstitious.

Hello friends! So here's the problem with being Chinese - you are bombarded with a truckload of superstitions which some people assume...

Hello friends!

So here's the problem with being Chinese - you are bombarded with a truckload of superstitions which some people assume you should follow down to the very last detail. And it's tough okay. Because when you're a Chinese in Singapore, you get both the Western and Chinese superstitions  And goodness knows what you have to follow and what you don't.

But for the purpose of this post, let's just address the Chinese superstitions. Here are some just off the top of my head: 

  1. You must eat noodles on your birthday to live a long life.
  2. You must not sweep your house on Chinese New Year because you will sweep your good fortune away.
  3. The colour red is good forever.
  4. The number "4" is bad forever because it sounds like "".
  5. Your bed cannot be placed in front of your mirror or your spirit which will leave your body when you sleep will be confused by your reflection and not return to your body. So you will NEVER EVER WAKE UP (I think I will try this when I'm depressed and want to die).

Yes, you see, there are many superstitions to follow if you want to be a good Chinese girl and luckily, my mother raised me not to pay much attention to this. Which is obviously why I can unreservedly dress in black any occasion without impunity.
However, this got me thinking about how the really superstitious people must suffer during Chinese New Year okay. It's going to be the year of the snake soon. And you know, it's always auspicious to dress in theme with the new year. So supposing I am this really pantang Chinese girl who believes that my fate lies in the hands of the Snake Year God (SYG) and that everything I wear and do on CNY will affect my luck for the rest of the year - WOULDN'T LIFE BE SO TOUGH?!

It's the snake year right? So it's only logical for my to honour the SYG by decking myself out in snake skin from head to toe. Like how J. Lo and Vanessa Hudgens (is she still with Zac Effron?) are doing here:
(Via Mix 106.5).
(Via Posh24.com).

But here's the real question. Will the SYG be happy that you know, I went the extra mile to dress according to the snake year? OR, will he be angry that I killed some snakes even if the brands I purchase my potential snakeskin wear would abide by the strict protocols of the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species of Wild Flora & Fauna, which safeguards against endangering wild animals for trade?

Then, if I were to wear like say, clothes with like snakeskin prints/ snakes, would the SYG be mildly amused that I am making an attempt to jazz up my outfit in theme with the snake year? Or would he be offended that I'm trying to deceive him into thinking that I'm one of his kind?

So I asked a friend who travels widely. You know, for that worldly, all-rounded perspective that would contribute to my objective thinking. My friend has stayed in Texas and Beijing (hahaha see I said Beijing, not Shanghai), and was recently caught in the South African protests. So you know, he's really good and credible.

This is my friend Chengwei.
We were briefly discussing this while we were blading which resulted in us coming up with some guidelines on what pantang people should wear for this coming CNY if they want to please the SYG.

1. Wear red faux snakeskin from head to toe.
Not real snakeskin of course. Faux. Because we don't want to kill any snakes. I can't find a picture with someone in red faux snakeskin from head to toe (I don't know why, it's like so fashionable right?), but here! I have some shopping options for you should you decide to go with my good suggestion.

First things first, you must decide if you want to wear a dress, or if you want to wear like, separates. If you go for the dress option, then I recommend that you buy this "Karen Millen Red Snake Print Dress" from ASOS.
If you want to go with separates, then you may buy this "Equipment 'Sloan' Crewneck Cashmere Sweater" and pair it with these "Karen Millen Red Snake Print Jeans".
I know some of you are really tiny, so you might want to buy this Red Belt from Guess to hold up your jeans.
And you can buy this "Steven by Steve Madden 'Sugar' Tote" to store your mandarin oranges and this "MARC BY MARC JACOBS 'Katie Bracelet' Trifold Wallet" to store your angbaos.

For shoes, you may buy these "Kate Spade New York 'Billie' Pumps" if you're the kind who likes heels. Or you could choose to go with these very trendy "DKNY Women's Foundation Sneakers" if you're more of the sporty type.
And to like, complement your already very good outfit, I suggest that you purchase this "Juicy Couture Round Leather Strap Watch" and this one of a kind "Tasha 'Critters' Snake Brooch". This brooch especially. It would be the clincher for you to win over the SYG.
2. Drape a real snake around you like an accessory.
I'm assuming the pantang girl would not want to offend the SYG because bad luck would befall you and the rest of your snake year would be be a bottomless pit of depressions, failure and despair. So you cannot let the SYG believe that you are trying to con him into thinking that you really incorporated some real snake into your outfit when everything is fake.

But you know, you still need an element of real snake to make him happy. How to do this? Chengwei's suggestion, was to drape a real snake around your neck à la Britney Spears in her VMA performance of "I'm A Slave 4 U".
(Via MTV).

I've done some research on snakes. Red ones of course, so that the snakes won't look out of place amongst your CNY decorations. And let me give you some advice on what sort of red snakes you can buy to bring along for your rounds of CNY visiting.

Above you see a Coral Snake. Coral snakes are venomous and can kill you. So don't bring this along. Unless meeting your relatives during CNY makes you want to kill yourself. In the case, by all means, drape this baby around your neck and paint your relative's house red.

This one over here is a Milk Snake. I recommend that you buy this one instead. They're harmless and also red! They are coral snake imposters and you can differentiate the two by looking at the band colours. The coral snake has red and yellow bands which touch each other. The milk snake's red and yellow bands don't touch. Just FYI, for you to verify whether the snake your relative hands you is a harmless dear or your gateway to the other dimension.

Anyway, having a snake around your neck would be a great way to break the ice when you meet all the relatives whom you haven't seen since... well, the start of the Dragon Year. So saying "Have you met my snake?" would be a really good conversation starter (Chengwei, "If you name the snake Ted, you can say "Have you met Ted?"). Sure beats "Wah! You put on weight ah?" and "Wah! So old still no boyfriend ah?" doesn't it?

And yes, follow these two rules and I guarantee that you'll please the SYG and you'll have good luck for the rest of the lunar new year. And my consultant Chengwei really knows about luck because he escaped from the South African protests relatively unscathed. Here! Read about it in Independent Online's article entitled "I thought I was going to die ..." Read now, not at your relative's house during CNY. You cannot talk about death during CNY because you might die. Or something like this.

Anyway, just before I end this post I'd like to share some good videos with you, the first being Britney's VMA performance back in 2001. You can see how she works it with this albino python and try to do the same at your reunion dinner.

And you know, I love The Lonely Island so I was really excited when this song came out. You Only Live Once! Watch it and learn how to live your life everyone!

❤ Jac.

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