Saturday, December 08, 2012

Office Etiquette.

Hello friends! So I was in this very important meeting the other day, because you know, I have a very important job and the whole bubble t...

Hello friends!

So I was in this very important meeting the other day, because you know, I have a very important job and the whole bubble tea empire would just come crashing down on our heads if I were to miss a single day of work. I can’t discuss the details of the meeting because it’s strictly confidential – the information is highly volatile and may very well cause World War III/ end life as we know it if leaked.

But content of the meeting aside, I uncovered a startling reality – some people have no manners. AT ALL.

And I’m not referring to a particular person forgetting his P’s and Q’s, or pushing his way to the front of the queue. I’m not even the slightest bit upset that he does not roll out the red carpet for me or welcome me with a trumpet fanfare. He just has some, DISTURBING habits.

So, in light of caring and sharing, I’d like to highlight some of his habits and recommend some very simple office etiquette that everyone can adhere to so that the office can be a more conducive working environment for everyone.

(Via 9Gag).

1. Burp inconspicuously
Yes, all of us understand that expelling air from your mouth is one of those disgusting things that we have to do every now and then. Although burping in public might be inescapable, it is not socially acceptable. Except perhaps in Ancient Rome when people burped at the dining table to express their approval. But now? You either burp and get over with it quickly and apologise to everyone in the vicitiny, or, you burp in private so as not to gross the people around you out.

This means that if you have access to an office, you close the door, get the burp out as quickly and quietly as you possibly can. Then you open the door and pretend that you were talking on the phone/ sweeping rubbish from behind your door/ pasting a sign on your door. You should NOT leave the door open and try your very best to get all the air in your system out at one shot. It’s gross. I can hear you from 3 seats away. I can hear you burping non-stop for 5 minutes and seriously, no one appreciates the sound of the gas from your partially-digested food travelling out from your oesophagus.
(Via quickmeme).

2. Find your own damn seat.
(Via quickmeme).

So, I was in my meeting, sitting at my chair and minding my own business. (Okay, not my business per se, but the business of Forever 21). I had my laptop opened in front of me and connected to the LAN cable in front of the seat, I had removed my watch and placed it on the left side of my laptop, I had taken off my lanyard with my access pass and draped it across the table, and I had also put my phone on the right side of the laptop. I even had a cup of green tea and a half consumed packet drink on the table.

Like this.
SO CLEARLY, the seat was mine. One hour in the meeting, I decided that I needed to evacuate my bowels as I had consumed a fair amount of green tea to keep me alert during the meeting. (No, they sadly did not serve Red Bull.) When I came back, I found that a man was sitting on my chair and talking to my colleague. So I just stood there and waited for him to leave. But no, he did not leave. He just looked back up at me, and turned back to talk to my colleague. So what did I have to do? I had to unplug my laptop from the LAN point, gather up all of my things, and shift them to another seat. The man didn't even flinch. RUDE MUCH.

Firstly, I don’t mean to be childish, but
(Via quickmeme).

Secondly, YOU COULD HAVE ASKED ME. If you were too awed by my presence to speak up, then of course, a simple solution for you would be to be on time for meetings instead of coming in late. Also, if you had asked I would have given my seat up to you because I believe in helping the underprivileged. Begrudgingly, of course. But then I begrudge you for most of what you do. When you clomp over to the printer to collect your print-outs, I think “OMG, look at this man, collecting his print-outs like he owns the place,” when the guy is just, you know, collecting his print-outs.

But I digress, the point is, MI CASA, NO ES SU CASA; MI SEATO, NO ES SU SEATO. In English, this translates to, GET YOUR OWN SEAT, BITCH. 

3. Respect my personal space.

Sometimes, when I'm sitting at my desk, this person tends to come over to talk to me. Here is a sample of what we talk about sometimes.
Person: Jac did you see the email?
Jac: Which email?
Person: Thereee...the that one about the thing?
Jac: What one what thing?
Person: Thereeee....you check your email?
*Jac refreshes inbox and glances through email which she was CC-ed in*
Jac: Ah yeah, why?
Person: So how?
Jac: How what?
Person: So this youtube video, what you propose to do ah?
Jac: Just share the link on our Facebook page like XYZ said?
Person: Why ah? Can we not take the video and upload it onto our own youtube and share from there?
....AND SO ON. This was on Tuesday. But that's not what I wanted to talk about. What I want to say, is that this person has a habit to come right into my cubicle, and place one hand on my chair and the other one on my desk. Like this.


Except that IRL he would be bending so that his face would be at the same level as mine and also like, he would be nearer to me. Of course, things have improved ever since I once stood up very suddenly during one of his visits. Because you know, if you do not want my chair to hit you when you when I stand up, then you should position yourself at a respectable distance from me instead of breathing down my neck and invading my personal space. (Also, I already hear you burping from 3 seats away, must you really make me smell it too?)

ANYWAY. 

Enough talk about the weird habits that people should correct. I would like to move on to say, HELLO GUYS, I'M GOING TO ZOUKOUT THIS YEAR!
Very exciting. I've sold ZoukOut tickets before, but have never actually managed to muster the energy to head down to Sentosa for it. I HOPE IT IS FUN.

And you know, fun in numbers. So please tweet at me (@behindthebasics) if you are going for ZoukOut today. Together we shall share drinks, dance like there's no tomorrow, and warn each other about partially concealed puke in the sand.

Omg and I still have no idea what to wear.

Have a great weekend guys!

Jac.

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